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PREFACE
The prudent husbandman, after having taken from his field all the straw that is there, rakes it over with a wooden rake and gets as much again. The wise child, after the lemonade jug is empty, takes the lemons from the bottom of it and squeezes them into a still larger brew. So does the sagacious author, after having sold his material to the magazines and been paid for it, clap it into book-covers and give it another squeeze. But in the present case the author is of a nice conscience and anxious to place responsibility where it is due. He therefore wishes to make all proper acknowledgments to the editors of Vanity Fair, The American Magazine, The Popular Magazine, Life, Puck, The Century, Methuen's Annual, and all others who are in any way implicated in the making of this book.
STEPHEN LEACOCK.
McGill University, Montreal. Oct. 1, 1915.
CONTENTS
I SPOOF: A Thousand-Guinea Novel II THE READING PUBLIC III AFTERNOON ADVENTURES AT MY CLUB l--The Anecdotes of Dr. So and So 2--The Shattered Health of Mr. Podge 3--The Amazing Travels of Mr. Yarner 4--The Spiritual Outlook of Mr. Doomer 5--The Reminiscences of Mr. Apricot 6--The Last Man Out of Europe 7--The War Mania of Mr. Jinks and Mr. Blinks 8--The Ground Floor 9--The Hallucination of Mr. Butt IV RAM SPUDD V ARISTOCRATIC ANECDOTES VI EDUCATION MADE AGREEABLE VII AN EVERY-DAY EXPERIENCE VIII TRUTHFUL ORATORY IX OUR LITERARY BUREAU X SPEEDING UP BUSINESS XI WHO IS ALSO WHO XII PASSIONATE PARAGRAPHS XIII WEEJEE THE PET DOG XIV SIDELIGHTS ON THE SUPERMEN XV THE SURVIVAL or THE FITTEST XVI THE FIRST NEWSPAPER XVII IN THE GOOD TIME AFTER THE WAR
I.--Spoof. A Thousand-Guinea Novel. New! Fascinating! Perplexing!
CHAPTER I
Readers are requested to note that this novel has taken our special prize of a cheque for a thousand guineas. This alone guarantees for all intelligent readers a palpitating interest in every line of it. Among the thousands of MSS. which reached us--many of them coming in carts early in the morning, and moving in a dense phalanx, indistinguishable from the Covent Garden Market waggons; others pouring down our coal-chute during the working hours of the day; and others again being slipped surreptitiously into our letter-box by pale, timid girls, scarcely more than children, after nightfall (in fact many of them came in their night-gowns),--this manuscript alone was the sole one--in fact the only one--to receive the prize of a cheque of a thousand guineas. To other competitors we may have given, inadvertently perhaps, a bag of sovereigns or a string of pearls, but to this story alone is awarded the first prize by the unanimous decision of our judges.
When we say that the latter body included two members of the Cabinet, two Lords of the Admiralty, and two bishops, with power in case of dispute to send all the MSS. to the Czar of Russia, our readers will breathe a sigh of relief to learn that the decision was instant and unanimous. Each one of them, in reply to our telegram, answered immediately SPOOF.
This novel represents the last word in up-to-date fiction. It is well known that the modern novel has got far beyond the point of mere story-telling. The childish attempt to INTEREST the reader has long since been abandoned by all the best writers. They refuse to do it. The modern novel must convey a message, or else it must paint a picture, or remove a veil, or open a new chapter in human psychology. Otherwise it is no good. SPOOF does all of these things. The reader rises from its perusal perplexed, troubled, and yet so filled with information that rising itself is a difficulty.
We cannot, for obvious reasons, insert the whole of the first chapter. But the portion here presented was praised by The Saturday Afternoon Review as giving one of the most graphic and at the same time realistic pictures of America ever written in fiction.
