1st paddle

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A girl started  destoying her things in her room on her budget level like  throwing blanket aggressively not throwing the crockery like the rich people do.  And suddenly stopped and crying in one corner of her room but silently not bc she was in  lot of pain . But  bc of suffocation which was not caused by her but someone else. But by whom? But before that i just wanna to clerify that  this girl is none other than me about two seconds ago. But  why was I crying ?!The cause is the instant affection  towards our world film industery people aka actor who came to fulfil their dreams  in this industry but  entangle  with ownselves business . No one have time  to think about other people business.  When i call '' other people'' then i mean is  unknown face , not affectionable, not good looking, not smart kind, not stylish , not cutest, not  now famous ...         
Later i felt depression on that level ,i almost  thought that i should die.Because  I wanted to move out to that depression but I cant . because  its not my life whose car peddle  in my feet but someone else. With those foot he or she could ruin your emotion  with crueilty without  knowing  it.Because I  am talking about my life, so it is not a story .  It is my experience  which i wanna share with you not bc i want to. but the fact is , if i dont, i wiil die with this burden of suffocation.  I know it is sound like very selfish . Because  I don't  know  how to  come out that suffocation. May be u  could  help  through  your  precious  comment.
It is common for us people  firstly known as  admiror but later become fan .We are not just  ordinary fans of  some celebs. we are the minor major unknown  part of this celeb life who was never recognise  by  them or the world .
          i guess it starts  when i watch that  movie called descendent of sun  .But i did not knew that it cost more than data loss of my net . the life  was simple before i did not enter his lead actor ' songjoongki'  life . Perhaps i should not typed his name on the youtube search list.   Before typing  i will clarify that  initially i love the couple most. I know that it is not my right to say that who should be together or not .But i did not denied it that i wished in my heart that i  want this couple together in  their life. But i never thought that  this wish  was fulfillled in so much earlier  before i saw it. this film was released in 2016 and i saw it today in 2020 . Do u know what happend to me when i got to know that both are married. I dont know why am i so happy to know that they are married. i am so happy that i just want to see their personal opinion videos. in short their togetherness moments .  But when i got that video of divorce and the court decision will be come out in 5-8 months. i just feel misrable . my feelings are shattered. I dont know why? 
but suddenly i came with the thought if i  who just knew  them three  days  ago only their acting skills, feel so suffocated then what happened to those who took celebs as  a life member .  what about those people who spend  the half of their mature time,  for just  to see one smile, one handsake, one autograph of their favourite celebs .Is it  easy for them.?!
When i finish this  movie , i thought , it  is  so good like whole entertaining package. I thought  I can learn from that. Because  I am a half  writer.(wanna be a writer).
The main point is that it is not my first time , it is happened to me always . But i just make some false information to my mind and  give some time as much as it wants.It is not easy for me to spend  loneliness and scariest time with that suffocated thought. But most  bad part  of  that it costs my  precious time .
  I  just want ban the fake rumor. if the news is not confirmed then dont leak out. if someone leak them then the celeb duty is that  they just clerify that .dont hang the news in middle bc it is so suffocating to those  who gives their  life  to you.
if u and someone else took time to think about that  then just  dont leak in any condition. if it leaks then just say it is rumour nothing less. i know that it is a lie but it is better to suffocation bc they Don't  take u as a role they took you as their real role.
i just have a request to the authority that if not'' full'', then say'' half popularity''is because of that fan then why they have no accurate right to know the right  news about his favorite actor 's life so that they could not be depressed with knowing half things.
I  want a'' balance change''   for a limited time untill it  would not balance for a certain time .something like that when a  parent got to rid off the  bad habbit of their child  just have done one thing ''' distract the child attention.'''  But problem is that"" what is distraction"" I don't  know , yet  may be  u could help.
Now I  Understand  it is just  bc of me. If I search the the  writer name  instead  of actor then I  have felt relaxed  now. But why we have such  kind of tendencies to attract  the  beauty  desk rather than unknown  face. I know it is the  half fault  of marketing who sells emotion whether  truth may be wrong  or  doubtful  bc it's increase their trp and lots of money.
I know after  reading  this.  Some people  thought that what kind of nonsense is this. Then I wanna just  say that if we not notice  the pattern  of increasing  trp table of this industry  fame then we  lost the real cause  of existence  of real life that  is humanity.
some famous man said that'' in one sided love , there is one benefit that  it is not distributable in two people and because of that your love  becomes more  pure. Then why it is not applied to that famous men who never said  in his  all movie promotion   '' our movie is made with love, if u want to look that then look ,if u not then dont, why dont apply that  love theory on him.  why he always said that'' try that whole family would watch the movie ,even the neighbours are also welcomed."if u want to spread  your love then it is right and if we want something  then it becomes  your  personal matters .  first u spread all your news  but if we wanted a reasonable answer then u separate us and just say  " no comments."I know  it is not easy  for u but  same as me. i just scare  to think that if someday i will not  be able to control that depression then what  i do ? 

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⏰ Last updated: Jan 25, 2020 ⏰

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