'Hello? Alexander? It's mom again... I know it's been a while... I heard about Reagan. I'm so sorry honey. Please call me back, I love you.' If you would like to hear this message again press-'Hello? Alexander? It's mom again... I know-' this message has been deleted.'
'Hey Alexander it's Mr.Dalton. Your mother called worried. You won't answer anyone... is everything okay son? I know you took Reagan's death pretty hard. She would have-'
"He." I left the world unfold from my lips. "He would have."
'This message has been deleted. There are no new messages.' I toss my phone on the couch. I stretch my arms and twist to pop my back. I wonder into the kitchen of my cold lonely apartment. The home me and Reagan shares. He was my best friend my reason for being. He was the love of my life, but we weren't together. No. We're just friends. Reagan had his girlfriend and I had mine.
We were best friends since birth. I was born on February 12th was 2002. He was born 16 hours later. Our moms met the day of our birth. They had rooms next to each other and began talking after. Reagan was a small, blonde blue eyed kid. He was like a brother. We'd spend hours running around our houses. I was always taller then him. I was always the opposite, my hair was brown, my eyes were a honey brown. I protected Reagan from everything. He was small, innocent, fragile. I was tall, strong, built for hurt.
When Reagan's mom died his dad turned to alcohol and nicotine. Reagan would run away from his place to say at mine. When we turned 9 he told me something. You see, Reagan wasn't born a boy, he was a girl. He told me how he felt and how scared he was to tell his dad. He waited a couple years before coming out. His dad did want to except it so he threw Reagan out.
It broke my heart to see him like that. He was knocking at my door at 3 am, drenched in the nights brutal rain storm. He was dressed to impress. But the white button up was burned through with the marks of cigarettes and long cuts. His face was red turning purple from multiple hits. He was crying and I hugged him. I promised him I would protect him.
I broke my promise and now he's gone...
A harsh knock tore me away from my head. I didn't notice the shattered glass plates and broken chair. I must have had another episode. I leave the mess as it is and open the door.
Before I could speak Freya started to talk. "Alex! What the hell, you don't answer my calls or my texts. Why? Are you breaking up with me."
"It's Alexander."
"What?"
"My name is Alexander, no one calls me Alex. I don't like that." Only Reagan can call me Alex.
"Are you breaking up with me?" Her voice is hard to forget, so fucking annoying.
"Yes. Goodbye." I slam the door, she begins scream insults and curse words.
I make my way to my bedroom. I pass his room but go back. Pressing a palm to the door, I begin to cry. I haven't been in there since I was dragging him out. I slam both my first on the door, hearing the loud bang echo throughout the empty home. Is this even a home? I few more bangs and I relive the last memory of him.
"Reagan? Open the door, theirs this amazing Italian restaurant that just open around the block. And fuck its good!" I wait for the click of the lock, but it never came. "Reagan? Reagan Elliot Dalton, open this door right now!" No response. "Reagan!" The sounds of the wooden door cracking barrier out the sound of the Tv blaring inside. I break the door, swinging it open, my breathing stops for a moment.
"Reagan no!" I cry. He was laying on his bed wrist pouring out blood onto his white sheets. I grab ahold of them, trying to stop the bleeding. No one else could help him, I was the only one in the world here.
I pull out my phone dialling 911, putting it on speaker before quickly pulling my shirt off and tearing it. I use the pieces to tie around his arm.
"911, what is your emergency?" The woman's voice was calm. Unlike mine which was a frantic and stuttering mess.
"M-my friend, he c-c-cut his wrist." Was all I could say.
"Just let me go Alex." He whispered. "Just let me..."
"N-no. No. You're gonna be okay bud, I got you." The woman was telling me what to do and asking questions. I was fixated on Reagan and only him. I've had to do this 3 other times in the our life time.
"0201 forest hills, apartment C2." This time it was different, his blood was soaking me and the bed. I was covered. If I didn't tell him now. I would never get the chance too.
"I love you." He opened his eyes barely. "More then anyone in the world I love you." The blood seemed to slowly stop. He was gone. There was no use to hold his arms any longer. I let on hands go to my sides. The woman on the line was silent.
"I loved him. He's gone." A faint I'm sorry honey was heard along with the sirens of the ambulance.
This was the last time I'd do this I picked him, hugging him tightly. "I got you." It was like I was lost in my head, playing every memory of moments like this. Him falling of the swing in 1st grade. "I got you." The night his mom died, he was such a mess. "I got you." When he came out to his dad. "I got you." My mind seemed to blank and when I woke I was in the hospital, tied down to a bed.
~~~
I snap out of the trance I was in. I was kneeling on Reagan's bed, the door was broken... again. His room was a mess, I had broken frames, his TV. My fists were bleeding. I've been having these blackouts since that night. I don't work, I don't attend collage anymore. My father pays for this apartment, my car and my phone. He feels bad for me. I'm suppose to inherit the family company soon, but how can I when I'm so lost. My doctors say I should be institutionalised for my dangerous blackouts. My father was against it and said I should stay in my apartment at all times till they stop.
It's been 2 months and they're only getting worse.
