The Land of Fayden

Chapter One

"No Sydney, I can't just call Arthur, it doesn't work that way." I sipped slowly on the cheap Moscato that I didn't even like, bubbles bursting on my tongue with every sip.

"But you can, Poppy, that's how phones work. See, you call someone, and they answer. You have to call him, it's been two months of you avoiding him!" Sydney glared at me through circle framed lenses, they were slowly slipping down her nose, she quickly pushed them back up, and raised her finger, pointing directly at me. "You love him-"

"No, I don't, I do not love Arthur. Absolutely not!" The words ran out of my mouth quickly. "He makes my body speak, yeah, and then we have sex, but he doesn't make my heart do anything, there are no butterflies, no bursts of excitement, there was nothing to give it away like the books! So go point fingers at someone else, he's probably got someone else by now anyway."

"Poppy, life isn't a book. Sometimes you love in your own love language, and that's ok. not everyone gets butterflies or excited, sometime love is just, not being able to call because you don't know what to say, or drinking with your best friend over a guy who you haven't been able to get out of your mind. Love isn't picturesque. Love fades because it's just a feeling, there is something more to love than just the emotion, it's a conscious choice." Sydney's cheeks were red and her chin seemed to tremble a little as if she was thinking about her high school sweetheart, the one who she took a break with over winter break, only for him to die in a head on collision with a drunk driver two days later.

"I think we've had too much to drink," My legs uncrossed as I shifted uncomfortably in the recliner in her apartment. I didn't want to go down this road again, watching her backtrack to her relationship that was nothing like whatever me and Arthur had. "I'm not in love with Arthur, I'd know if I was. I'd know." My voice seemed to trail off from me, maybe it was just the alcohol, but would I really know if I was in love. Sydney had always been so right about too many other things, maybe I did love him, maybe I just didn't know it yet. But if I loved him, why did the idea of answering a call from him sound so terrifying, the idea of talking to Arthur as a friend again after so many casual hookups, just thinking about it was the last thing I wanted to do. The idea of the empty spaces between idle chit chat was almost so unbearably embarrassing that thinking about it made me want to climb under Sydney's brown leather recliner, curl up in a ball and lay there until I starved to death and die like the unconfrontational and awkward girl that I am. Or could that be love in hiding? At this point I really didn't know.

"We haven't had too much to drink until we get matching tattoos and throw up everywhere." Sydney scoffed at me.

My laugh started deep in my gut as my eyes scrunched up at the thought of the matching, but lopsided, heart shaped stick and poke we had on our hips.

"It happened one time and you're still bringing it up?"

Sydney laughed and took a long sip of her wine and winked at me.

"I'm going to bring that up when we're old and in the nursing home, babe!" Her grin was plastered on her face, and she too was plastered. I sighed and smiled, knowing this was when I needed to cut her off.

"You need to go drink some water and go to bed, you're going to have the worst hangover tomorrow."

"You can't tell me what to do," she pouted as she got up from her chair and walked shakily into her kitchen, coming back with three bottles of water. I noted that they were the expensive kind, much better than the dollar store packs that I had at home, hers were bottled in actual glass instead of plastic. "But I'll get an Uber for you. Tell Steve I said hi."

Sydney grabbed her phone and grinned at me, and before I knew it, I was in an unfamiliar car staring out the window at the city's skyline, the driver talking to himself about the shitty traffic, the shitty drivers, shitty city, everything. I guess he was raised here, and people raised here seem to always hate it, but it was so beautiful to me to see the skyscrapers twinkling like manmade stars.

As soon as I stepped outside of the car it was freezing, my teeth instantly started chattering and my body seemed to try to retract upon itself. The city doesn't seem to care about whether you're warm or not. Though I guess the country doesn't either. My hand quickly pulled back from my doorknob, the metal was unbelievably cold and the temperature in my hand took a second to adjust to the shock before adjusting. It reminded me of when I was little and when me and mom would go out for dinner with my dad, the cold and metal belt buckle seemed to always be freezing or blistering hot inside her beat up PT Cruiser. My free hand reached for the keys in my pocket. But of course, they weren't there.

"Fuck," My bottom jaw chattered against the top as I jiggled the handle, of course it was locked, out here it wasn't safe to leave doors unlocked, including if you lived alone. That was like asking to get mugged. Mom and dad never locked their doors though, they didn't grow up in a place where they had to. "C'mon, just open..." I jiggled the handle again as if it would help, my fingers were humming from the cold and just a little bit of something else, it's not like I kept a spare key around, that too wasn't safe for city living. My fingers slowly traced over the lock of the door, and the humming felt stronger, one twist of the doorknob for the last time and I was inside. This was something that no one needed to know about, not even Sydney. I shook out my hands, which were now ice cold as Steve rubbed against my leg, his big green eyes looking up at me as he purred. The purr seemed to reverberate through my sad excuse for an apartment.

"Don't look at me like that, I know you just want some food." Steve purred louder as I stooped down and rubbed right under his chin. "You're still the best, stinky boy. Dinner time for the cat, I know" My eyes quickly glazed over the dark apartment before I reached for the light switch, a dull yellow tinged the bare white walls and the cheap, thrift store couch I bought a few months ago but hardly ever used.

I stooped down and kissed the top of Steve's head, and his clipped ear rubbed against my cheek before they could flatten down, but he still quickly ran from me once his food was in his bowl, then I was completely disregarded. Typical Steve behavior.

I trudged into my bedroom, kicking my sneakers off lazily, not even bothering to untie the knots that had been tied so long ago, and fell face first into my pillow when my phone rang. My fingers felt across the cold wooden nightstand to grab the phone, checking to see who it was, because maybe this time I would answer Arthur, I was drunk enough to excuse myself for it. But the name across the screen was "Dad", he never called, it was always mom, I picked the phone up quickly and slid right to answer it. I seemed to instantly sober up, my head cleared and I could almost taste the air in the room.

"Hey dad, is everything ok?" A sense of dread washed over me and something moved in the corner of my eye, I ignored it, it was probably Steve just doing cat things. The phone dropped from my hand when I heard my dad going on about a car wreck, he was sobbing and his voice was shaking. "Dad, Dad, what are you talking about?" The words came tumbling out of his mouth, and I couldn't unhear them. Your mom, she's gone...