"Savior" {Aizawa x OC}

Chapter 28: Blame

"BECAUSE IF MY FATHER WASNT AFTER ME HE WOULDNT HAVE WENT AFTER THE PEOPLE I CARED FOR THE MOST! HE KILLED THEM KNOWING ID END UP LIKE THIS! IM PLAYING RIGHT INTO HIS HANDS! It's eating me alive because that bastard killed them just to make me feel this way, so I'd go back to him. He knew if he kept hurting the people I loved, I'd go running back to him and sacrifice myself for my loved ones. But that's not what pisses me! It's because I didn't go back to him when I had the chance! IF I WENT BACK TO HIM JUST A FEW DAYS AGO, KAII WOULD BE HERE! IF I LET MY FATHER HAVE ME AS A CHILD, MY MOTHER WOULD STILL BE HERE! I always ran to my mother for protection, but maybe if I didn't she'd still be with me!" I drop to floor running my fingers through my hair as tears stream down my face.

I can't take this. I can't. All this guilt, I can't get it out my he- Shota's arms wrap around my body tightly, almost hard enough to make me wheeze.

"Stop. Don't blame yourself for something that wasn't your doing. All this guilt, pain, fear, it isn't yours to have. Kaii and your mother know that you did everything you could to help them. Don't put their deaths on your shoulders, don't take the blame that isn't yours. You always shelter everyone else's blame and then you can't get rid of it. It helps others, but not yourself. No matter what happens, I'll save you from that blame, I'll be your savior from yourself." He softly speaks into my ear, still holding me in his arms.

I snake my arms around his torso and squeeze him back. He's going to get hurt because of me. I want to save him from that. Maybe if I do go back to my father then he will be alright.

"You're not leaving me." His choice of words meant two different meanings: you aren't going back to your father and you aren't leaving this world. I squeeze him more tightly, pushing my body closer to his. He won't let me leave... he will regret it.

"You belong to yourself, Hikari. Not to me, your father, this blame, this fear, this anguish, none of those own you. You are your own person, you just have to realize it." Shota takes one of his hands, pushing my head inward as he kisses the side of my head. I grab his hand on my head and bring it to my cheek, I lightly rub my cheek in the palm of his hand. He peers down at me with tired eyes, not blinking, he scans my face.

"Kiss me." I command sternly, but still in a soft squeaky voice. He leans forward, I close my eyes and pucker my lips, but his lips don't meet mine. He lightly grabs my face with both hands and presses his forehead to my own.

I don't open my eyes, but I softly push back against his. This was our little way of showing each other how we feel, since we are never good at words. He hastily stands, leaving me sitting on the brisk, cold floor, he holds out his hand and I take it. Lifting me to my feet, we come face to face with each other again. I feel the want and need to kiss him, so I lean in hoping in just a few seconds my desire will be met.

"We need to go to bed. All Might is coming over tomorrow." He quickly says before my lips could make contact with his. 

"Okay." Shota breaks away from me, making his way to the other side of the bed. I watch him crawl under the sheets, he turns his back to me in the process. I slip my own body under the covers as well, but I turn to face Shota's back.

I stretch my arm out and run my ice cold fingers down his spine. I feel him shiver under my touch, this taunts me into scooting closer towards his warm body. I inch closer and closer until I'm spooning him, my cheek on his upper arm. I trace his ribs with my fingertips, slipping them down and over each one, completely mesmerized by each dip.

I snake my hand to the front of his body, dipping my fingers in between each ab on his abdomen. I slowly make my way down lower until I'm at the waistband of his shorts. I slip the tips of my fingers under his waistband, but before I could go lower, my hand is quickly snatched by Shota.

"You need to sleep, not play around." His words were cold, which made my heart ache momentarily, but I knew he was right. I try to scoot away from him, but he held a tight grip on my wrist which ceased my actions. He then pushes my hand against his abdomen running it up his body slowly, until he stops right at his sternum.

"Maybe some other time." He reassures me, making my stomach flutter at his words.

"Let's see if you keep your word." I comment back.

"I don't break my word."

"Mhm, only time will tell."

"Just go to sleep already, damn." A light chuckle leaves my body, and I press my face to Shota's shoulder. After a few minutes, I hear his breathing even out, and I decide to try to do the same thing.