A/n: TRIGGER WARNING
This is based on true events, and true pain i just want the world to understand that we all feel this pain.
Why? It's been 6 months since we were together and yet once a week i get flashes, flashes of memories, flashes of everything, why? Why does your family send me photos of you and your new girlfriend? They taunt me, it haunts my nights and sometimes i feel like dying, others i feel so worthless, i know i'm a disappointment, i know i'm useless i know i don't know how to love properly but i loved you i put you in front of everything i could, i made you my world and everyone around me nothing but empty space.
I miss you, i miss the way you looked at me, the way you kissed me, the way you looked in my eyes, the way you gave me cuddles, rubbed my tummy, looked after me. I miss you and yet i'm the one crying while you shovel your tongue down the throat of another, i want you to feel the pain i felt, i want you to cry at night and stay awake to grasp onto those memories, yet all i tend to do it disappoint people, disappoint the world infront of me i'm a failure and i'm a lost child in an ocean being thrown against every wave. Why? Why do i get treated this way, why am i the way i am? Why do i feel so much pain.
Yet you don't and if you do you have a funny way of showing it all i see is your face with another woman, showing her the love you showed me the love you gave me and i'm weeping in pain, i don't want to look at my body is that why you left? Am i disgusting? Am i took much? Am i not enough, i wish you would've told me, so i could finally fix the wrongs that i call myself, i want to puke i want to feel, but i won't let myself come first my friends matter more to me, i can't put myself first because i'm not worthy of it, i'm nothing but a fish in an ocean of millions that lost touch with you, so you moved on.
I tried to, i tried to move on i tried to feel something for someone but your face kept popping in my head, i tried to feel something, i had sex with people to get the way you used to touch me out of my head, i tried to fall for someone else like the way you used to, i feel so used, so abused in this minor world, i want to move on, i'm unwanted, i'm unloved, i'm tired and i'm still crying of the memories you gave me the memories that you planted in my head, the memories that i wanted to love and cherish and the future that you out in my head of us, of our marriage of our children, i feel so much pain, like a slap to the face everytime your family sends me those photos, did they really like me? Did they hate me, maybe not as much as i hated myself but enough, i just want to feel loved is that so much to ask for? For someone to love me the way you used to.
I don't even care if someone uses me i just want to feel something other than pain please i just want someone to give me that feeling that i'm something, please i'm breaking apart so much, i'm scared and worthless. Please don't leave me like she did, please don't give up on me i just, i just want love.
