Uncontained

An Uninvited Parasite...

There was something inside Jane. She knew it. She just didn't know what it was. She could feel it before she could see it. She'd been alone most of her life, then one day she wasn't. This must be what it's like to be pregnant, she thought at first, then chided herself for that. She knew the science, and doubted that anyone could sense a collection of cells the way she could feel...whatever this was. Besides there's no way she could be pregnant. She was a virgin. Well... technically. There was that halfway situation with Adam G that one time. But that was two years ago. And he didn't exactly go the distance so it didn't really count. Anyway, she'd taken six pregnancy tests to be sure this wasn't some divine conception thing (leave it to god to forget to ask for consent) but they were all negative, and deep in her bones, she had known they would be.

And yet...

Whatever it was, it had a consciousness. Jane couldn't explain what that meant. Not that she was trying. Whatever it was, it was just there. Not specific, or loud, just there. It went to work with her. Watched Netflix with her. Ate that late night bowl of mac and cheese with her. There's a chance I'm just having some kind of meltdown, Jane thought to herself. She wondered if her mind had fractured into two pieces, the first staying put and the second migrating down into her midsection, settling somewhere between her bowel and her liver. Maybe it was a messed up evolution of her ego and her id. Freud knew a lot about a lot, but Jane was pretty sure there were some parts about the female psyche he didn't quite have a grasp on, and times had obviously changed. By her logic, it was altogether possible that her ego kicked her id out of their shared living quarters in her brain to find a new home, where it would become its own entity. Eventually her migrating id would take over, releasing her from her ego. Yep, she was definitely having some kind of breakdown. She dreamed about it sometimes, getting a vacation from being in her head all the time, but deep down she knew she wasn't that lucky.

Jane didn't mind the presence, actually. It was comforting somehow, not being alone. She'd gotten in the habit of talking to it even though she'd only been aware of it a few short weeks. It was mostly just her internal monologue, but it was nice to have somewhere to direct it for a change. Like her own late show audience. It was seldom out loud unless she was truly alone, but she knew even her thoughts were heard by her mysterious companion with interest, curiosity, and... something else. Something a little more intense, though she didn't quite know what it was.

Nothing has really changed since you got here, thought Jane as she eats a bowl of oatmeal with brown sugar, like she has every morning since she was small. I'm still a librarian. Still single. Still not talking to my Mom. "I'm the same person... except I'm so goddamn hungry." This part she says it out loud as she looks through the fridge, yanking out the eggs.  She cracks one then two eggs, then hesitates before cracking a third. She looks down at the bulge just under her ribs. It's the size of a tennis ball, almost as though she'd swallowed a lemon. A lemon that moves slightly under her t-shirt. She rubs it gently and goes about fixing her eggs.

She's just tucking into her second breakfast when her phone lights up with a call confirming her doctors appointment later in the week. There's palpable hesitation in Jane's voice as she confirms the appointment.  She glances tenderly at the little lump. "I guess it's time to find out what you are... and whether you're trying to kill me," she says with a smile. The bulge spasms slightly. "Ow!" Jane bends over, rubbing the spot again, then straightens up, laughing as the pain subsides. "Easy, I'm only kidding! I know you'd never do that." Jane finishes her eggs and starts clearing up, then getting ready for work.

The truth is, Jane doesn't know anything for certain, but if she's being honest, she's already bonded with whatever is inside her. A strong, instinctual bond that both excites and terrifies her. For better or for worse, this thing is a part of her now, and she can't shake the feeling before this is all over, it's going to be for worse. And somehow, she's never been happier...
(RL)