Can I reverse the hand of time?
I would re-write my script
With less insecurity and anxiety.
At least can I take time a few days backwards?
So I wouldn't feel the way I feel now?
Can all this happen at least in my imagination and I won't get judged for being weird?
Why do I have to go out everyday
Thinking of what someone says about my dress?
Why do I have to fall for the same person over and over?
Why do I have to face health issues?
Why do I have to think a hundred times before saying one word?
Why do I have to be way different from
My gender?
And someone tells me in being childish.
Insecurity is not childishness
Borderline personality is not easy
Facing self harm with no form of help?
Having to pretend I'm doing okay to avoid people from talking.
Smiling and laughing all day to hide anxiety
Acting extremely okay to avoid showing grave sadness.
Why are you wearing a long sleeve in a hot weather?
I'm feeling cold is a lie,I'm hiding the scratches I have on my arm.
Why do I mumble to myself?
I would say nothing, it's a lie... I ask myself if I'm to talk or not in a crowded room.
I talk to a person and I'm being dramatic?
What other way can I ask for help?
Therapy in Nigeria is a pure piece of trash
I can't sleep.
I roll over one side to the other.
I just need a hug and someone tells me it's okay.
But I'm a boy I can't ask for a hug
I ask from my friend, he thinks I'm joking
I ask from a guy, it's Homosexuality
I ask from a girl in a pervert.
I hug myself with the blades and slaps I help myself with.
The tears for a cry doesn't even drop anymore.
I try to read more often to help myself
I'm wasting my time.
My room is scattered and I lay on the bed sleeping all day.
I'm a lazy fool.
I try my best to be funny and laugh with my siblings but NO my voice is too loud.
Mummy and Daddy shouts at me for everything.
I can't talk to anyone looking at their faces
I can't do anything right.
What do I do?
I'm seventeen I don't know if I'm old enough to handle it but I cannot
Okay now people will say I'm childish, I'm stupid and all
"People have gone through worse" is the most cliche line
But a person who drowns in a 7ft water and another who drowns in a 21ft water both died and are still dead
Don't compare me please
If you can read to this point
Thank you so much
But I truly can't handle it again
2019 is my worse year alive.
And I can't live like this anymore
It's wrong, it's a sin
I don't care anymore
Vanity upon vanity all is vanity
My last suicide poem.
Thank you but I can't, it's too much for me
-Opene Emmanuel Obiajulu
