01 ★ pinky promises

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im aware Ramadan is going on, so please be aware that this chapter contains SEXUAL CONTENT!! please let me know if you need a chapter summary <3

4 YEARS PRIOR

"You know," Lexi leans against the door, a wine glass stuck between her fingers. "You're allowed to take breaks, Fer. Locking yourself away from the outside isn't going to help your writers block."

I stop typing on my keyboard and spin myself around to face her on my chair. I pull my glasses to rest on my head, bracing my elbow on the arm of the chair. I blow out a long sigh and leisurely rub my eyes. "I don't have time for breaks. I need to just- I don't know? Get over this block and write until I come up with something-?"

"You won't get any inspiration locked in your dads attic, babe," Lexi took a sip of her wine and strolled towards the small couch by the window. "You're eighteen, Fer. You don't need your whole life planned out right now. You should be taking the time to relax... socialise-"

"Life is too short to do that," I cut her off and place my pen behind my ear. "I don't want to waste any time, I plan on publishing my first-"

She waved me off. "You plan on publishing your first book by the age of twenty. Yeah I know, but how realistic is that, honey? How do you plan on writing a book when you have nothing to kickstart it? I love you with my whole life, Fer, but this is not going to make you feel any better." She finished her wine, and it was only then I noticed that she had a dress on, and her face was painted in light makeup. That only meant one thing-

"No," I abruptly blurted and widened my eyes. "I can't go out when I have so much to do, Lex! I need to email a publisher, buy new ink-"

"It's your eighteenth birthday, babe!" She mimicked my tone and shook her head. "What sort of best friend would I be if I didn't take her out for her fucking birthday, huh?" She waved her hand when i went to rebuttal and decline.

I closed my lips into a firm line and slumped into my seat, resting my chin in the cup of my hand. "And you'd be insane to think i was going to take no for an answer. We're going out and that's final. You deserve to let loose and live like an actual human, Fer, and I know how to party, you'll be safe with me!" She wriggles her eyebrows and places her wine glass on the table in front of her.

I still wasn't entirely convinced.

I roll my lip into my mouth and pull my hoodie down to cover my knees, trying to collect the pros and cons of going out in my head.

I take a mental note of what could go wrong- but nothing ever went wrong when I was with Imani, which only made my reasoning for declining less convenient.

As much as I could use the break, in fact, I wanted nothing more than to celebrate my birthday anywhere but inside my fathers dull attic with a bright, blank page in front of me, but I didn't want to postpone any ideas that I could possibly forget about in the morning and I would be back at stage one.

With nothing.

Do I deserve to take a break?

Why should I take a break when there's nothing for me to come back to, anyway?

"I know that face." Lexi quirks her eyebrow and cocks her head to the side.

I frown. "What face?"

"The face you make when you want to agree but you're too stubborn to."

I widen my eyes. "I...." I shrug and close my laptop, exhaling a deep breath. "I'm not that stubborn-"

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