Dem Crazy-NESS

John the Homo goes hunting

"Today is the day" John thaught by himself. John "EPIC" Thorburn was a young 24 year old homo sapien and he was on his way to go hunt an Alaskan Monkey Bear, also known as the common grizzly and he just got off the phone with Joe ,confirming that the hunt is still on.
John was planning to go hunt the bear in the famous Red Velvet Forest but little did he know that the people ,such as Joe, were damn sneeky and dont forget damn lazy. So while John was riding his lipstick red Moto Mia to the old cabin, Joe was returning from leaving an old circus bear ,that he just bought from the old circus in town, next to a hiking trail. "He just wants to shoot a bear,why do i need to get all sweaty and tired if I can just impress him by pretending to be an expert bear tracker and maybe he will tip me some good moola" Joe said with a smugish smile om his face.
About 7.6 minutes after the phone call, John arived at an old scruffy mittysque cabin in the middle of Freaking Nowhere, which John read on a sign ,that was actually an old door, a few 100 meters after reading a sign reading "Welcome to our lovely town: Freaking Nowhere" and the fine print read : "If any of our locals ever ask you to hold their beer and start their next sentence with "hey watch what i can do with...." just take their beer and skedadle out of there as soon as possible for your own safety and for a free beer. Cause what is better than a free beer?". John noticed the fine print because he really needed the loo and he was doing his business against the wall of the public longdrop , which he refused to go in, not because it must be very disgusting but because he was just "Gangsta" like that, and he was keeping a look out for any weirdass pervs watching him when he noticed the puke green sign.
On the roof of the cabin there was a bunch of random weed plants, planted in such a fashion that it formed the word "rose". "Its Joe's rose garden" an old man said as John realised he is staring at the plants. "Sorry i didn't mean to stare,its lovely" John quickly said. The old man was even scruffier than the cabin and John was sure he was as high as a blue kite being run down by Hassan, and he could probaly taste sounds too.The old man called himself Joe "the hunter" Koekemoer ,but John was told just to call him "Oom Vaan" and he kept talking about himself in 3rd person. John was wearing his übercool Spanish Nazi SS camo with a 5 armed swastika on his left but pocket. When Joe or a.k.a. Oom Vaan saw this he rushed into the cabin and first John thaught he needs to get the fish out of there as soon as possible when the old man returned with a similar three armed swastika and he said something about being part of the AWB what ever that was. Joe was getting excited to tell John stories about the"Ou Transvaal" but John stoped him and said "We need to get going" soon and they were on their way.

John and Oom Vaan were walking through the Red Velvet Forrest and the trees all seemed to grow in a crooked manor the futher you walked into the forrest. They havn't been in the forrest for more than 4.2 minutes when Joe claimed he knows where the bear is,"I got the nose of a mole" Joe said "I can smell the bear is close". "Awesome" John said with a sarcastic smile on his face, because he didn't believe it one bit and he was pretty sure that Joe was getting even more intoxicated as the hunt went on. Then John decided this weird scruffy old man infront if him must be on a trip 25/8 because just there Oom Vaan showed John his mole nose,he litterly took out a small leather sachet and in it was the nose of a mole. "Its an Norwegian humpback Mole" Joe Proclaimed as John snap backed into reality, oops there goes gravity, when he realized his hand was reaching out to the neon pink leather bag and drooling like a hillbilly thats so hungry he will eat beans out of a dead cowboy's but. Joe slaped John's hand away as if he was a Desprate Housewife protecting her Cosmopolatin and then Joe put his only finger ,on his left hand, on his purple lips. "Shhhh! Do you smell that" Joe whispered as all in the gay forrest went still. Then they heard the agonising sighs of something that sounded like a constipated 94 year old man. Then they saw the large but almost slouching grizzly bear busy hitting his head against the purple wood of an old Oak tree. The " hunting expert" and the now completly boggled John went to hide behind a grey but greenish , of colour, rock and Joe handed John a homemade shotgun but John gave the gun a skew look and said no thank you i have got my own as he took out a Magnum , death by chocolate, ice cream and then he loaded his 388 rifle.