You and I | A Star is Born

2| Million Reasons

How he loved to be the cause of that smile.

And now he was the cause of her pain.

Shit, he wanted a drink. He needed anything to help him forget what he'd done. If he was lucky he could find oblivion at the bottom of the bottle. Drink so deep he'd forget he ever met her to begin with. Then maybe he could keep pretending the only person he'd ever hurt was himself.

Instead he was horribly sober, trapped in a car with the brother he'd pained plenty of times over. The two of them eating stale gas station sandwiches as though Jack hadn't singlehandedly uprooted their lives. Bobby was cleaning up his mess once more.

Sometimes Jack was sure music was the only thing that redeemed him. It was all he was good at. The only time he was selfless was when he was playing to a crowd, giving them everything he had while up on stage.

Maybe he could still keep music in his life. His one virtue. He couldn't teach lessons though, no parent in their right mind would trust him. Couldn't perform. Being a manager was out, he could hardly manage himself.

"How's the tinnitus?" Bobby asked, as they drove through the valley. Small tall to pierce the silence. It was strange considering only days before they'd been saying everything in therapy sessions.

"It's not worse," Jack replied. "Just not better. I never get any fucking silence. There's always the ringing."

Bobby chuckled. "Well, if you're looking for quiet this is the right place. Fucking empty desert for miles." He adjusted his grip on the steering wheel, never taking his eyes off the road. "Listen the place, it's a bit of a fixer-upper. I was thinkin' maybe it'd give you something to do until you get back on your feet. Nothin' fancy. Just some walls to repaint, a few structural things to fix. I, uh, I was thinking maybe we'd get a pool built. You – you said you liked swimming, right?"

It was so awkward for them to be sincere. His first instinct was to push back against the warmth Bobby was offering, but he tried to lean into it. He wasn't quite ready to practice the ninth of the Twelve Steps, make amends, but letting these moments be was a good start.

"Yeah, I like swimming. That'd be real nice... thanks, Bobby."

Somewhere around Plomosa, it came to him. Jack remembered the bar he'd drunkenly stumbled into that night, Bleu Bleu, where Ally had been singing. The world always needed more spaces to hear good music. Maybe he could give people a place like that, create a platform where people with messages that meant more than his could finally be heard. Some kind of venue where folks could just gather and take in the beauty of another person's words. A space where those 12 notes could be arranged in an infinite number of ways.

He'd been so awestruck when he'd first heard her arrange them.

Even this idea was tied to her. She'd changed him. She was the reason he was still alive. Jack felt the bitter sting of saltwater in his eyes and he forced himself to keep his eyes fixed on the window so Bobby wouldn't notice. It fucking broke his heart to break hers. He had a million reasons to get out of that truck and run back to her. Just head for the hills and fall down at her feet and beg for her forgiveness. He'd promise her the whole damn world.

But despite those million reasons, he had one reason to stay away, and that was all that mattered. He loved Ally. And loving her meant accepting that he just wasn't good for her anymore.

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@hollywoodgossip: Say it ain't so! Power couple Jackson Maine & Ally allegedly split. After suicide attempt & rehab round 2, Ally stood by her hubby but now Jackson wants a divorce! Shocking! Sound off in the replies! #WellNeverLoveAgain #JallySplit