I Could Fall

Chapter Thirty

"Atticus," my voice was shaky as I called out.

"Don't." His jaw clenched. "I don't need your pity."

"What? This isn't pity. I'm sad and hurt for you, Atticus. I love you. You're my-"

"Friend. Fucking friend. I fucking know that, Hyon. You don't have to rub it in," he harshly spat, shocking me. Pati ang nurse ay nagulat at napatigil sa paggamot.

"Uhm... tapos na. Excuse me," mahinang paalam ng nurse at nagmamadaling umalis.

This reminds me of the Atticus that I first met. Cold and distant. Malayo sa Atticus na naging kaibigan ko.

He's hurt. I have to understand. He's lashing out because he's bleeding. It's his way of self-preservation.

"You love each other. Kayo na masaya. Pero pwede 'wag niyo ipakita sa akin? Pwede itago niyo? Kasi tangina... masakit." Namumula ang mga mata ni Atticus habang nakatingin sa akin at nagbabadya ang pagtulo ng mga luha.

I bit my lip and tears filled my eyes, mirroring his.

"Bumalik na lang tayo sa dati, Hyon. Please, Hyon..." His tears were falling down. My eyes widened when he stood up from the bed and kneeled in front of me. He held my hands and buried his face. Naramdaman ko ang pagpatak ng mga luha niya sa kamay ko. "Hyon, please... Kahit na kaibigan lang ulit. Just pretend that you're not with him. Kahit kaibigan lang ang turing mo sa akin... basta kunwari hindi kayo. Please, Hyon."

"Atticus, please stand up." Hinawakan ko ang kamay niya para pilit siyang itayo pero hindi siya nagpatinag. I didn't want to remain standing while he's on his knees so I crouched to match his height.

"Please, Hyon... I'll be content with just being your friend. Just pretend that you're not with my brother. Magpapanggap din ako na wala akong alam. Basta nasa tabi lang kita. Wala akong pakialam. Hyon, please, please..."

"Atticus," my voice broke.

"Hyon, sige na... Mahal mo naman ako bilang kaibigan diba? I'll take what you can give. Just please... ibalik natin yung dati. Please come back to me."

Binawi ko ang kamay ko mula sa kanya at hinayaan niya naman ako. I wiped his tears that were profusely rolling down his cheeks as gentle as possible because his face was badly messed up.

"Let's sit on the bed, Atti. Please?" pakiusap ko rito habang patuloy sa pagpunas ng mga luha niya.

Huminga siya nang malalim at matapos ay tumango. Nauna akong tumayo at inalalayan siya na makaupo sa kanyang kama.

"I will visit you tomorrow, okay? We'll watch movies or maybe study because final exams are drawing near," I told him to help him calm down.

Hindi siya nagsalita pero tumango ulit. Hindi na siya makatingin sa akin ngayon.

"Hyon," a voice called me. Hinanap ko agad ang tumawag at nakita ang papalapit na si Tita Agatha. "Your parents are waiting for you outside. Uuwi na raw kayo."

Napakagat ako sa labi at napatingin kay Atticus. Tumigil na siya sa pag-iyak pero namumula pa rin ang mga mata. Hindi siya tumingin sa akin. Napahinga ako nang malalim.

"Sige na, Hyon. Get some sleep," pilit ni Tita Agatha.

"Okay po." Tumango ako at muling tumingin kay Atticus. "I'll go now, Atti. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Samahan na kita," sabi ni Tita. Tumango na lang ako at tumayo na.

Nauna si Tita Agatha sa paglakad at sumunod naman ako. Hindi pa kami nakakalayo sa ward ay biglang huminto si Tita Agatha sa paglalakad at hinarap ako.