Freckles (Luke Ross) (ON HOLD/DISCONTINUED)

We Don't Need No Stinkin' Badges

One word: Lies. Luke lies a lot and it's rubbing off on our innocent, Indian boy. Ravi's the most well-behaved Ross kid and Luke is changing that.

"This guilt is tearing me apart." Ravi cries and I look up at him."I have told so many lies, I am surprised my pants are not literally bursting into flames!"

"Ravi, just stay calm, okay?" I assure him and he gives me a guilty look.

"Yeah, you gotta chill. What's the worst that could happen?" Luke asks and right then Bertram returned.

"I just challenged Nigel to a brutal Butler beat down!"

"You were saying?" I asked Luke, who narrows his eyes at me.

"I did not see that coming." Luke mentions.

"That seems a bit rash, does it not?" Ravi questions.

"Nigel says he never touched my bisque. But you saw him, right, Ravi?" Bertram asks Ravi and I fold my arms.

I hope he does the right thing.

"Plain as day." Ravi nods and I shake my head.

And my hope has deteriorated.

Bertram grunts and storms off.

"Why can I not stop?" Ravi asks and I sit up.

"Because Luke is manipulating you." I tell him and Luke pushes me back.

"No! Because lying is fun." Luke tells him and I glare at him. "Pretty soon you'll be running for Congress."

I flick his forehead and Luke frowns at me.

"Ow..." He pouts and grins at me. "I do this for your attention, ya know?"

"Of course you do." I roll my eyes.

——

Later, Luke and I were setting up the boxing ring with Butler and Nigel. I was not at all happy about this, and I was upset with Luke. He was encouraging this fight and wasn't at all guilty. I knew one little lie would turn into a bigger deal than we expected.

"Oh, what a tangled web we weave." Ravi says. "When first we practice to de-" Ravi was cut off by Bertram running out in some disturbing red short. "Dear Gods, man! Put on some pants!"

I cover Ravi's eyes and I look away, cringing. That's a disturbing sight to see. I took a glance by accident and saw Bertram bending over and I gagged.

"My eyes!" I cry.

"And, I just got my new screen saver." Luke grins, snapping a photo. I remove my hand from Ravi's eyes and the elevator opens to reveal a skinny butler in yellow shorts.

"Great, the disturbing shorts is a butler tend." I sarcastically comment, wrinkling my nose.

"Pettigrew." Bertram glares

"Winkle." Nigel says. "Shall we?"

"Please, gentleman's gentlemen!" Ravi protest as they enter the ring. "Do not pummel each other into oblivion!"

Bertram and Nigel whip out feather dusters and this confuses us.

"With fluffy little feather dusters?" Ravi finishes with bewilderedness.

"Yes!" Bertram expresses. "We shall mercilessly dust each other until the other man yields!"

"I never yield!" Nigel declares and they start to circle each other.

"You also never trim your eyebrows." Bertram remarks. "It looks like you have two hedgehogs over your eyes!"

"At least nothing scared the hair on my head, and made it run to my back!" Nigel fires back.