rants xx

The Break

12.13.19

8:08 pm

Today was my last day of classes for the semester. I'll be going back in nearly a month. Yepp, a month long break...quite the while. Most people I've talked to has called me "lucky" for having such a long break from classes, but in reality, I'm dreading it more...I've grown up in a strict household. I'm not allowed to really go out. I can't beg or ask for money unless it's for school. I barely get to go to my job, so I'm living on 2 cents. I'm not ungrateful, trust me. I'm blessed to have shelter, food, and the necessities. I have many things some people dream for, but I still can't help feeling depressed. I feel...isolated, I guess. I wish I could see my friends more often and be able to socialize. It always feels like a constant flow of school, work, and chores. I don't really have a hobby...I'm sorta into sewing but I don't own a sewing machine. I only hand-sew which is quite inefficient. I've asked for a sewing machine since I was in the 6th grade, but my parents have always refused. And when I save up the money for it, it always ends up going somewhere else. Sometimes to my honor fees, sometimes to pay for gas and food. It's just neverending. I must sound like I'm spoiled. I just wish I didn't have to depend so much on other people and worry about whether or not I have gas in my car, so I can go to the hospital for my allergy shot.

In some way, I'm thankful for this break. I mean, I have time to focus on something else besides school...but I still have chores. I'm also grounded until I finish cleaning the entire house (deep cleaning btw). I hate being the only person in this house that cleans. Its annoying and stressful. I do my best to clean as much as I can when possible, but it gets hard with everything else going on. I don't know...I can't tell if I'm going to feel better.