Letters We Never Sent

Chapter 1

It is important to note that you don't need anyone to complete your life. You must first complete it yourself. The matters of the heart and mind are like water and fire. Two different concepts yet always associated with each other. If you are happy with yourself then you are complete. I say this because you don't deserve someone who is constantly hurting you or just doesn't care. The point of this book is to find yourself comforted in the story. Two parts of the same heart torn and waiting to be reunited. Because being with someone is complicated, commitment is complicated. Falling in love when it's wrong. And that love can heal anything. But most important is that love is supposed to make you want to be a better person.

Sometimes moving on is our only option to survive. But from time to time, you think of that person and you get choked up. Or you have a dream, and it was like they were right there with you again. It could be three months or three years and you still stop in your tracks when you smell something that brings you back to them. You have loved, you chose to love someone and that just doesn't go away. It takes time to move on or let go. Moving on doesn't mean forgetting them, you just have to continue your life without them. Show yourself compassion when it comes to moving on; it's okay to be sad, it's okay to miss them, and it's okay to still care. I'm proud of you for being able to love and I know you'll be able to love someone like that again. It may feel like you can't ever feel happy again but you will.

Trust yourself.

Patrick,

Six months, that's all it took for me to completely fall for you. I honestly can't even recall when I realized I loved you. I knew I had a love for you, I cared immensely for you. But I realized I fell for you, when I didn't have you. I think I realized it when my days that were filled with your laughter were quiet, the smell of your deodorant was no longer prevalent from the passenger seat of my car and the mold of your body wasn't there to lull me back to sleep. I didn't realize how complete you made my life. And how empty it was without you in it. You came into my life like a hero, you saved me from myself. You believed in me when no one did. No one had cared for me the way you did and no one saw me the way you chose to. Can we go back to the start? With banters in disguise for the feelings we had for one another. 3 A.M. phone calls filled with empty comments, not because we were bored but we were just happy to have been talking to one another. We can binge watch that anime you like so much while I play with your curls. I'll even let you mess with me while I drive because you love how cute I look when I get mad. Back to when it was just us and we were happy. You had walked away so easily, you had let life win. You gave up on us, or the idea that it could be us. I will never understand how it was so easy for you to leave. Did I change you life? Do you think of me? Is her love better than mine? Are you happier without me? I have so many questions but honestly I don't want them answered.

-Margo

Margo,

I had a dream about you last night. You were just laying there in my Thrasher shirt, looking so beautiful. You were laughing at something stupid I said, and you were looking at me with so much happiness in your eyes. And I just felt content because I knew I was the reason. Then I woke up and you weren't here. And I just feel reminded of the mistakes I made. I feel like everyday is a record played on repeat. I go to class, party on weekends, maybe even meet some cute girls. I keep trying to find you in other women, but it's like the more I do the more my body is telling to come back to you. I've met so many interesting people but none feel like you. I've never met anybody who ever made me so accepted. To be so close to someone has been the greatest privilege. It has been a privilege to love you. I know this is something I have to fix with you but every time I reach for my phone to call you, I can't. I don't know how to fix this or if I even should. You always wanted me to write you a love letter, so here's one I'll never be able to send.

-Patrick

Patrick had never been good at expressing his feelings, no one had ever cared for what he had to say. Ultimately that led to his collapse with Margo. What he failed to realize how safe it was to love and all he had to do was trust her. He tried to control his feelings to the T. But that's not realistic is it? Sometimes we meet people who completely change our plans and suddenly what we wanted isn't exactly what we wanted anymore. Patrick was scared of change, changing himself, losing himself. That's normal, especially if you've never let anyone in. But there are two people in a relationship. You only get what you are given, and you can't control who you love. The only thing that you can control is the hurt. How much you hurt someone, and if you can take that hurt away. So my advice to you is don't stop yourself from falling in love, especially when you know it's not the right time. It'll always be the right time, you just have to have the courage to speak up. Say your truth even when you feel like it'll damage whatever is left or if you think it's useless. Say something because you'll never rest until you do, and you'll never stop wondering what might've happened if you did.