Elliott

one

Everyone is looking at me, whispering to their loved ones. " Look at his hair" "Look how he's trying to hold himself together" " Look at how worthless he is" "No wonder his boyfriend left him, he's ugly"

They say one by one, second by second. I'm trying to hold myself together but my stitching is coming undone, each thread breaking with every step i take. My vision goes bleary "Wow you can't even walk home without having a meltdown, you're worthless Elliott."

I have to go. I have to get home, so the only logical thing to do is to start running.

My heart beats louder with the thud of my bag banging against my body and the sound of my feet hitting the concrete below me. I start for the entrance underground but realize it's not worth more people staring at me. I have to run the six blocks to my apartment complex.

I ran all the way there (avoiding a police officer checking bags and the thousands of watchful eyes) without stopping because that would only cause more people to worry. I went up the stairs, fearing they would break with how hard my feet were landing.

Said hello to Ms. Through very briefly. Almost too briefly. I don't want her to worry about me anymore then she already does. I already ask her for too many things as it is. I'm not worth the things she does for me.

Stumbling around for my keys in my bag takes too long. I can feel the glares of people behind me (whether they're there or not).

Finally i'm inside my crappy apartment, letting out a breath of relief that Jade's not home yet. And letting out a bigger sigh knowing that Connor's not here waiting for Jade like he does most of the times.

Jade really needs to get a better man. I think Connor peaks my anxiety and he knows that somehow. Unless Jade told him which is definitely illegal and a dick move.

I set my bag down on the couch and head to the bathroom, for my meds, which is through Jade's room. I guess i thought wrong but here's Connor, standing up and taking me under his arm and rubbing his hand in my hair, which i hate and i know for a fact he knows i hate it.

" You know you're not allowed in Jade's room, what are you trying to do? peek around?" he says with a smile, he doesn't trust me because apparently i'm not '100% into guys' just cause i'm bisexual. "ok first of all," i say prying myself out from him. it's not fair that i'm 5'2 and he's 6'4. " this is me and jade's apartment, not yours, and i'm trying to go to the bathroom so if you will kindly move" i look up at him, and he looks uncomfortable, like he accidentally walked into the female restroom.

crap, my eyes and nose must still be red. i push him out of the way and slam the bathroom door. and with the sound of the door closing, my last thread breaks and im on the floor crying. the sound of my sobs mixed with the horrible noises of NYC is almost comforting. weirdly enough. connor can almost definitely hear me. i need to pull myself together. " get up you waste of space, stop embarrassing yourself even more"

i pull myself to my feet, still crying but softer now. reach into the medicine cabinet, take my meds. after a couple of minutes trying to calm myself down, i got to the point where i'm put together but i'm so fragile i'll start crying if someone talks to me. i hope to god connor left.

i open the door really quickly and see connor on jade's bed on his phone, he quickly looked up at me
"hey elliott, you ok?" crap crap crap. i put my hands on my head and make a beeline to my room, hearing my name being called from behind me. slam my door and fall onto my bed, instantly trapping me in comfort, which i desperately needed.

a knock on my door breaks me from thinking about staying here forever "are you okay? do you want me to call jade?" connors voice muffled through the door. " yeah i'm fine, just leave" i yell back. i hear footsteps descending from my door.

god i hope jade gets here soon.