The Ill

You ever get that sick feeling like your going to throw up?, well I had it and couldn't shake the feeling of acid crawling upward to drain out of my mouth its been a while since I smoke weed. I don't know if its the withdrawal from the weed that as cause this feeling or is it the fact that I'm full . I'll never forget the high I felt the first time I've been chasing that high everyday smoking more and more each day, rolling up the perfect blunt should i make it thin or thick? That question starting to be the favourite thing that i could ask myself.

That get away, that I desire to ensure the endless feeling of worry and torment disappear for a moment, will I meet the deadline?, am I enough?, do I fit in? Can I make it work?, am I pretty enough?. The weeds aroma is enough to blur the thoughts, nobody really want to feel human at times.
It all changed when I saw camron who supplies me with a pound of weed that serves me for a week and couples of days, this time when i saw him he didn't have that pleasant smile of happiest or the feathered looked he carried.

He had changed, he had missing teeth and the present ones were rotten and slightly cracked. His usually healthy glowing dark skin was pale

"Give me a pound of your good kush I asked"

"I don't sale that shit no more! it's been killing me inside !"

I could see it but I didn't care I wanted the fix, It was in the back of mind but I wanted to feel better. A week goes by and I was absolutely losing my mind kept pacing back and forth in my room wondering where can I get the next fix. I kept biting my nails until they bleed I was hungry for the feeling of marry jay rubbing between my lips.

The acids escape my mouth twice maybe three times my mother came home and saw me laying on the floor in own vomit. She rushed me to the emergency room I was there for a couple of minutes until a nurse came to me.

"How are you feeling Miss Henderson?"

"A little sick."

"Okay, tell me what does this sickness entail?"

"I have this constant feeling of nausea, fatigue, I get antsy at times and I have a craving for salty food."

"Well miss henderson there is a possibility you might be pregnant can I do a test to rule it out"

I shaked my head

I couldn't bring myself to answer I didn't realised that i missed my period ever since my boyfriend jamie moved away, I mean it can't be I can't be pregnant with a child.

The nursed came back...

"Good news Miss Henderson your expecting "

I cried out, I had asked my mother to leave the room earlier I didn't want her to know I was a drug addict. Now I also have to tell her I'm pregnant I wanted the weed more than ever It was calling my name like a unfamiliar creature calling me and like a enchanted person I unwilling but willing go when it called.

After leaving the hospital I asked my mom to drop me off the broad walk, she kept bugging me to find out what happen but I didn't hitch. I went to camron main supplier and got rolled blunt and light it up i had it within a inch of my mouth I thought of the baby, jamie and my mom but most of all i thought of camron. I've always wanted a baby but not now, I guess we have to deal with the seasonal damn of our life. I smoke the blunt and enjoyed the high but at some point I had to stop right?