I just want to be happy. I just want to have peaceful life with no one and nothing to think. Why is it hard to have peaceful life. The world with full of judgement and cruelty. Just thinking about everything, just facing everything losses my sanity and dignity.
I close my sketchpad and put it in my bag. The wind blows, it's cold but it calms me. I heard the twirling of birds flying above the trees. They look calm and free. I wanted to be like them. They're so carefree, I'm envious. Because I'm not.
*Ring* *Ring*
"Where the hell are you again, Georgina?! How many times do I have tell you, don't skip classes! My God! You're smart, don't waste your talent-------" It pissed me. I gritted my teeth.
"I don't care, Samantha! Just leave me alone!" I was about to end the call when I heard footsteps behind me. I picked up my things and calm myself.
"Stop it, I don't care. Don't you get it! Just leave me alone." I ended the call.
"Are you done peeking? Get out there." Then I heard movements.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I was trying to find some place to hide. I won't comeback here. Again, I'm sorry." She said, apologizing to me. I look at her. She has this brown hair, I can't see her face clearly. So I came closer to her. She is trembling, I noticed that she is looking down at her feet.
Ofcourse, she is not comfortable. Who wouldn't? No one tried talking to me. They are scared. Everyone thinks I'm mad. But I'm not.
"I'm sorry, I won't bother you anymore. Please, spare me." She pleaded.
I automatically raised my brows in her answer. "What are you saying? Are you stupid? Or what? I'm not gonna bully you. That's so childish." I told her in straight voice.
"T-talaga?.."
The moment she look at me straight into my eyes. I got goosebumps. What the hell? I cursed in my mind. She has this hazel eyes. Its captivating me. It's like she's pulling me closer to her.
"What the fuck?" I cursed that startle her. I look away.
"It's okay. You can stay here. Just don't tell anyone. It's a secret between you and me. I'll go." I told her not looking back.
"T-thanks.." That's the last word I heard before going home.
------
I just enter the door in my humble house when someone grab my arm. I look at her. She looks like me. My other half.
"Get off! I told you, leave me alone." I gritted my teeth. Trying to calm my nerves.
"That won't work on me. I'm your twin. We grew together. Georgina, they missed you. Please, come back to us." She plead.
"If I'm still the old me I will, but I'm not. And I will never." I push her but she just hug me.
"Miss ka na nila. Nagsisi na sila. Please, come back to us. Georgy.."
"Kung noon niyo sana ginawa ito. Maybe everything will still the same. But you didn't give me a chance. Noon, nagmakaawa ako, nagmakaawa kami! Of all people! Ikaw! You're my twin Samantha. Wala na. What's done is done. Nothing's gonna change. So please, leave me alone." Sigaw ko. They will never understand me. Hindi sila ang nasa sitwasyon ko. Hindi sila ang nasa nakaranas ng naranasan ko.
Mag-iisang taon na din ang nakalipas. When it happened. I tried to forgive them. But I can't erase what happened. I just can't forget it. It's so painful that it leaves me scars that can't be cure neither erase.
Matagal na din simula ng i became dependent. I live by myself. Alone, just myself. Mas gusto ko yung ganito. Mag isa. Walang manggugulo. Mahirap ibalik ang nakaraan lalo na kung May madilim na pinagdaanan. Kapag inaalala ko ang lahat. I just want to kill myself. Feeling ko wala na akong karapatan para mabuhay. I feel empty.
