♥ Look Before You Leap ♥

Look Before You Leap ~ Chapter Four ♥

Chapter four

Alaan's funeral. The weather seems to match all of our moods. The sky is grey, rain drops slowly and if it wasn't for the gazebo, we would all be soaked. The breeze is strong but I don't even notice it, the minister speaks but I just don't hear it. All I can hear is the wind, whispering nonsense which I can't understand. I imagine that it's whispering about us, our Alpha, our story and his death. I look across. All my brothers are wearing suits, dressed entirely in black, all looking amazing but so sad. I'm wearing a black strapless dress, I know my hairs a mess and that I'm not wearing very appropriate shoes - black boots actually - and I know my make-up looks funny but I just don't care, none of it seems to matter. The others all seem to be crying. Though it's not wild sobs of pain, it's more sniffing and red eyes. Lupe is staring stonily at the floor and Matt seems to be about to start crying his head off, Dad is silent, head bent into his hands and several others seem just as desolate. I want to do something but it feels like I'm in shock; all I can do is simply just sit there is silence, my eyes entirely dry, not a noise coming from me. I sigh and stand, no longer able to take any of this. I walk away, ignoring the looks from the others. I walk away from the funeral, the graveyard; I can't stand to be in it anymore. Once I'm away, I press my back against the cold brick wall and slide down to the floor, my entire body shaking; I bury my face in my hands. Alaan. Gone. Forever. Suddenly, I feel something, a large, warm hand on my shoulder. I look up and there stands Lupe. His eyes are sad and watches mine. I look back down. I can't even look him in the eye, it hurts too much. I listen to him sliding down the wall with a sigh, sitting beside me. We sit like that for several seconds, in complete silence.

"Lupe?" I whisper.

"Hmmm?" He murmurs.

"What now? Now that you're Alpha? What do we... well, do?"

He pauses for a second, really thinking before answering. "I don't know." Another silence for several seconds before he speaks again. "We'll go to school tomorrow. That's all I know for now."

Another startling thing happened at that one moment. Lupe sounded unsure when he spoke. Lupe who was always so confident and loud and always... never unsure. Was unsure. I had to struggle to keep my jaw from dropping in surprise. The next thing I know, pigs will start flying... actually I really wouldn't be so surprised.

"Lupe..." I hesitate. I'm not the best at comforting people. Definitely not Lupe. "I want you to know, I'm here for you. You don't have to do this alone." Even to me the words sound awkward and unsure.

Lupe looks at me, entirely taken by surprise, eyes wide and unbelieving. "What?" I ask.

"Admit it Raven, we have never gotten on. We fight, we argue. I'm not exactly very nice to you and you; you actually want to help me?" He asks in something slightly stronger than disbelief.

"Yes. Yes I do." I say firmly.

"I don't believe you." He says in an uneasy voice.

Anger shoots through me. "Fine! Suit yourself."

I jump to my feet and turn away from him, stomping away angrily. At least the anger helps, it helps a lot. I hear him call my name from behind and I let out a growl of anger.

"How dare he? Well he can do it all on his own now, can't he? If he's so amazing and -"

Once I'm away from him, walking goodness knows where to, something weird happens. It's something that shakes me up and shakes me up badly. Something wraps around me, heavy and damp, sticky. I don't know what it is. It feels dark, but I can't see anything it's like it's invisible, I can't even struggle against it because it holds me immobile.

Raaaaaaaven...

It's not a normal voice. It's not speaking, per say... no... It's speaking in my mind. I don't know how or why, I just know it is whatever it actually is. I try to move and I can't, suddenly I feel a sharp sting, zinging all the way throughout my body and then... then it's gone. I collapse to my knees, feeling sick suddenly, dizzy. I look up but I can't see anything. Somehow, I managed to stand and wobble back to the graveyard, confused. At first I thought about telling Alaan... but Alaan's dead now and I have to remember that. It's not something I can exactly forget. Then I look at Lupe, he watches me with narrowed eyes - I must be in a state. But then, remembering how he reacted before, I held my head high and ignored him, sitting down beside Matt, fixing my hair and putting a brave face on, determined not to go running to him. He may be the Alpha now, but he is definitely not my Alpha.