I Can't Even Die Right

So I'm not dead, obviously. I blacked out, I had a period of nothingness, I felt life leave my body. Yet here I am alive, not dead and in hell like I expected. Perhaps not even hell wants me. I forced myself out of bed, a process that usually takes a while but today was particularly slow. It was like my body didn't want to work at all, it must be the blood loss.

Am i dead? No, i'm walking around so no. great, yet another thing I can't do right: die. I looked at the cuts along my arms, red and oozing but no longer bleeding. I picked up the blood stained scissors I used to make those cuts. It was done right yet I failed.

I was thinking over and began to regret doing it in the first place when I heard a scream from the hall. I spun around (slowly turned) to see my mother's horrified face staring at me. The regret hit harder and I tried to speak (i groaned). I couldn't talk and that only made the issue with my mother worse. I moved to comfort her but she ran away from me. I really screwed up this time.

I ran after her (shuffled after her), but when I finally caught up to her she was standing between me and my brothers wielding a knife and screaming at me to stay back. This again, she was always so paranoid I was gonna do something to hurt her or my brothers. Probably saw the blood and thought I turned into a zombie, she needs to stop watching late night tv.

Knowing I couldn't talk until I healed up a little I went to the kitchen to get a piece of paper and a pencil. However, I couldn't open the drawer with those things in it. My hands wouldn't grab it and I felt like crying but I couldn't even do that I couldn't do anything. I screamed and went to grab a chair to throw it but I couldn't even get a hold of the chair. After I got done angrily caressing the chair I heard it.

Moaning and groaning. I looked at the window and saw people, strange people, pale people, bleeding people, decaying people. I felt danger and yet comfort from seeing them. But my family wasn't safe I needed to get them out. Mother wouldn't let me near her. I finally looked at my arms again then back to the people.

I watched them. I watched how they could barely walk. I watched how they couldn't talk. I watched the limp way they banged against the window.

Oh

I am dead

And

Very...

Very...

hungry...