Broken Inside

Simon's letter

Dear Uncle Si,

I know that you get the news first. Maybe a police officer stands infront of you in your office at the moment. Or maybe you are at home.

But please, don't cry in front of Lauren or Eric. I don't want Eric to see you crying at such a short age.
You have to be strong for him, for Lauren. For everybody.

Probably you are asking yourself what when wrong. But there are so many things I regret, Uncle Si.

I am gay.
I am too fat.
I am worthless.
I am alone.
Nobody cares, not even Louis. My so called best friend.
I am in love with Louis.
I am done.

Yeah, your eyes are okay. I am gay and in love with Louis. Since ever, since the first time I met him. In the bathroom at the xFactor auditions. I fell in love with his crystal blue eyes and his short heigh.

He was such a beautiful boy and you know I was so utterly happy when you decided to put us in one band.

We were best friends since then. Hi and Upps. A friendship, I thought, would last long. But wrong thought.

After Eleanor came into the picture, he haven't spent time with me at all. And when we met eachother of course together with the others, his only topic to talk about, was Eleanor. I admit it hurt like hell. Always a little stab in the heart. I was on the edge to cry, but then I remind strength.

But a few months later, Louis tweeted that sentence "Larry Stlinson is bullshit." That was when I broke. It hurt to much to handle so I started self harm. I know I am an attention seeker but that doesn't mean it didn't help. God, it helped so good. I became addicted to it soon after.

That's how it went. Sometime later Louis moved out and I just wasn't ready to be alone. I craved the little meetings in the kitchen (although Eleanor was always there!!!) but he left me.

For her.

I finally was broken inside and nothing could kit it.

I lived through months of darkness and nightmares. Nobody there to comfort me. Now I was definitely done.

Today I read a sad Larry fanfiction and I thought about death. Actually I am kind of afraid to die. I don't know what'll happen after my death. And I don't want to die alone on my own in the darkness.

But I don't see another way out of here. Just Louis. And Louis is the only one who can save me. I will call him and ask him to come. When he does, I'll live, but when you really are reading this note. He fucked up.

Anyways, I love you and thank you for everything you've done for me. You are the best.

In love

Harry Styles