Josh
I can't get the imagery of the blood out of my head and the pure panic I experienced, I couldn't save him, I was a shit person. I should have seen it coming, I should have spent all my energy on him and I didn't so look where we are now. I can not deal with this stress, I've bene sat over the bath for the last hour waiting for someone to wake up anyone, I can't deal with this stress alone. I called the ambulance but they haven't came, it's too late. He's dead. He is gone, everything about him is gone, the life left his eyes and I miss him . Why couldn't I have saved him man, what is my issue. I should have been there, I am the worst person ever and I can't ever forgive myself for this.
°°°
The night felt like a while, I just sat over the bath and watched him, stroking his hair as it collided through my fingers whilst his skin turned cold. Eventually the ambulance came, they took him away, I haven't seen him since. I went into his room and I wore his favourite hoodie and cuddled into his bed and put on His favourite Netflix show on which his favourite song in bathroom and I just sat there for a while and thought, I didn't think about anything in particular I just thought.
I looked over at the blood envelope that was to my side, it read Josh
My shaken fingers slowly opened it as I listened to the crunch of the sealing break.
Dear Josh,
I am most sorry I did this because of you, you gave me so much of a purpose yet I gave you nothing but false hope. I'm sorry for being such a burden on your life but I'm gone now so you don't have to worry about me, I hope you weren't the one who had to find me, I hate stressing you out. I'm sorry for coming to you with all my issues and I shouldn't have made you feel like you had all these responsibilities all the time, I should have let you lived your life and worked it out myself. I'm sorry I can not bring myself to stay alive, seeing you guys brings me hell because I don't even know who I can trust anymore however I was always able to trust you because you are loyal and a strong person . I'm sorry I have to go so soon, you are welcome to take anything of mine and you can have a speech at my funeral. Can we have the funeral at the beach where me and your first met, I'd love that. I remember when we first met, I was 18 and super naive and you were 23 and super nice. I needed some money to get the bus back to my house and you helped me even though you didn't need to , you helped me open my eyes to what the world really was and for that I am forever grateful. I love you josh
- Harold.
I'll never be able to sleep the same.
°°°
Ethan
Waking up that morning must have been the hardest thing I ever had to do, I had a bad vibe from what Harry had said the night before but I had tried to brush it off because it was harry he always had down days but he was really off this time. I remember I threw on a t-shirt and some joggers bottoms and bolted down the stairs to see if I had mail, it was Harry. If something was truly up he wouldn't say it over text he'd write a letter and make it more memorable. I wish I never opened my mail box, because what I read had broken me forever. I grabbed the letter that said Ethan on it and locked my mail box, bolting for my room. It was his hand writing I was correct something was seriously wrong.
Hi Ethan,
I know you never hear me like this, I don't think I've ever really been this lost before, I want you to know that this is no one's fault, especially yours. I'm sorry I didn't come visit you before I ended everything, I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was even back home, that was a big mistake but it's too late. Thanks for being the best person I could ever ask for. You know you never did me wrong and I am forever grateful for that. If ever had the privilege of getting married while I was alive I'd instantly make you best man without even having to think about it, it's quite mad that, I guess I always thought Simon would be my best man but he is no man to me, he is a coward and I hate him for it. But I don't hate you, I want to thank you for all the good times you gave me and for all the time your practically saved me. I don't want you to blaming yourself for this, it wasn't your fault, I'm not mad at you either. Take care of everyone for me and keep Josh close, he's really fragile and I might have just broke the last piece of him, so keep him going for me. I need to get going now, you are the last person I wrote to so you are the last person to hear from me, more then likely. I love you lad. Goodbye until I see you in heaven
