I can fix you

Part 1

I'm sorry, I'm not very good at writing these short descriptions. Here is a little Howardette Story for you because I feel like my OTP doesn't get as much attention as it deserves. I won't more you with more words, I hope you like it and yeees, uwu, here you go!

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He was just sitting there on his bed thinking about his life. He often did these days, yes, people wouldn't realize it, but Howard Wolowitz was a man who noticed much more than he showed, had deeper thoughts than he'd ever tell, felt more than he liked to admit. He didn't show it, he never has shown it before, because his childhood, the time in high school had taught him showing less of his feelings would make him less vulnerable so he built this mask of coolness and learned to pretend he didn't care when he was actually hurt deep inside by words or actions. It has come so far that he couldn't even tell his friends about his feelings, Raj knew more about him than Leonard or Sheldon but he didn't know everything by far. Howard  possibly forgot how to show his feelings.

Howard Wolowitz was thinking about the one person he'd been thinking about every day, he even had dreams about her and this was frightening him. He had never experienced such strong feelings towards someone – of course he did have several crushes before, had also been in some relationships, but from the moment that he met her he felt something different. Talking with her had been so easy, they were figuring the same struggles, the same problems and once they'd found a topic to talk about, they couldn't stop anymore. They've been seeing each other a few times and – of course – then he ruined everything. He just didn't know how to handle his feelings, man, the way Bernadette looked at him, when she left the room, he really felt something breaking in his heart.

Howard buried his head in his hands. He hated and loved the day he asked Leonard to help him find a girlfriend. Bernadette was something special and he, what did he do? Destroy every prospect of being in a relationship with this special person on one day. „Congrats, Howard Wolowitz, you genius", he mumbled bitterly. The fact that, in this moment, his mother was obviosuly calling her new „lover" (Howard assumed that, if they opened the window a little, even Sheldon and Leonard would be able to hear it), talking about things Howard has never even wanted to think about, didn't help at all.

He stood up. Instead of sitting here, listening to his not-so-worth-listening-to mother's phonecall, hecould also go for a little walk. Normally he was used to playing some playstation games to calm himself down but that wouldn't save his ears so he chose Plan B.

10 minutes later he was walking down the streets of Pasadena. He had no clue where to go, he didn't feel like seeing Raj or Leonard or Sheldon or Stuart or Penny, so he just let his intuition guide him. Bad idea, he had to find out some minutes later, very bad idea. His great intuition led him directly to Bernadettes apartment. „Damn!" he whispered, turned around just wanting to leave this place as fast as possible, but of course his fate wanted it a different way. When he turned around, he bumped straight into the woman, who even followed him into his dreams. Forsome seconds none of them said a word, he couldn't guess what Bernadette was thinking and Howard himself just had to stare at her.She was more beautiful than in his memories, the wind was playing softly with her blonde hair and the dress she was wearing suited her perfectly well. He realized that he somehow had to explain this situation but had no clue how – on the other hand... maybe this was the chance to explain everything, the second chance he was longing for.

 „Bernadette..", he began to speak with a little, almost shy smile. She just raised an eybrow, obviously waiting. Damn, she wanted to hear more, that's what Howard had feared. „Uhm... can we talk?"Bernadette shrugged her shoulders. „well, I don't know what you want to talk about, but if you like." Her voice didn't sound as nice, as...loving as it had sounded on their second date, when Howard really started to develope these great, unknown feelings for her, it was cold, stone-cold. Howard felt a shiver going down his spine, hefelt like giving up, why was he doing this to himself, she obviously has already forgotten him, why couldn't he just forget her? He took a deep breath and suddenly had to think  about all the superheroes he loved and admired so much. They wouldn't give up just because things aren' tgoing the way they want them to, they would fight and so would he. He would fight for Bernadette. Howard took a deep breath and looked into her (also cold) eyes seriously. „But.. not here. Come with me,please, I want to show you something. „Well, as long as I don't get kidnapped by your alien porn dudes, okay." cold voice, not even the smallest glimmer of humor in her eyes. Howard, desperately trying not to let her intimidate him, just looked directly at her. She sighed.„Okay, let's go." Howard winked without even wanting to and led her to a certain place. 

They were walking next to each other for ten minutes, without one of them speaking a word as both were lost in their thoughts. From time to time Howard glanced rather shyly toBernadette and once she returned his glance. This made his heart beat faster and he was almost convinced that she had to hear his heart racing in his chest. Then, after 15 minutes, they arrived. To be honest, Howard had detoured because he had just enjoyed walking next to Bernadette so much. What he wanted to show her was a small clearing on the edge of a little lake in the middle of a largeforest. It was almost evening so the atmosphere was breathtaking.Bernadette looked around, amazed, her mouth wide open. Howard sat down on a bank in the middle of the clearing and waited for Bernadette to join him. For a little while, they were just sitting close next to each other, just enjoying each others presence, thenBernadette raised her voice.

„Howard", she began and looked at him, while he just kept staring at the water surface where he could see their reflection. „Why?", it was one word, one little question, but he didn't know how to answer it, he really didn't. After another moment of sorting his thoughts, he answered quietly:„Bernadette, I want you to know something. You are the first person to ever know this and I don't like talking about it at all, but I want you to know, because out of all people I know, I feel you are the one I can trust the most.", he took a deep breath and didn't dare to look at the woman sitting next to him, but suddenly he felt a worm soft hand on his own hand. Gratefully he enclosed Bernadette's fingers with his and raised his voice again. „I... I'm not that guy everyone thinks I am. I am not that superficial dude, who takes everything for granted, who can't stop hitting on women, that kinda disgusting sex monster. All this is just made up, compare it to amask, I once built in order to protect and defend myself because noone else would do that for me. And now? Now I don't know how topull it off. I'm sorry for everything I did to you. Bernadette, I just don't know how to handle my feelings. I met you and Iwas...overwhelmed." His voice became more quiet. „And I don't know what to do, how to show you what you mean to me... We hardlyknow each other."

Bernadettes wiped away a tear. She did realize that he didn't really reply to her question, but it didn't bother her. She stroke his hand softly with her thumb and turned Howard's head with her other hand so he had to look into her eyes. They were no longer cold, they were full of love and warmth. „Then let's get to know each other better. I can help you to pull this mask off, Howard Wolowitz, because I love you. I always did." Howard looked at her. He couldn't believe his ears, couldn't believe she actually said this.

Bernadette just smiled and leaned against his shoulder. Howard wrapped an arm around her and pulled her closer. „I love you too.", he whispered into her ear.

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Big big sorry for all my grammar, puctuation and spelling mistakes, my english is not the best and I'm sick, so my brain cells are not working that well, but I'm bored and there is no better thing than writing (or reading) uwu.