I ran. Ran away. Away from everything.I'll never know what it did to people. I'll never really know anything new. I'm in a blank space. An actual blank space. It's not what I tought it would be. It's just white. I don't see walls, neither do I see a floor nor a seilling. I'm like floating in a white bubble. I don't feel anything. I slapped myself and didn't even feel my hand on my cheek. It's pretty fucked up, but it's what I asked, isn't it? Exacly. I asked to stop feeling anything. That's what I asked and thats's what I got. Am I happy? No. Am I sad? No. Am I anything? No. Well... I don't really know, but I'm not confused. I don't understand but it doesn't confuse me. I just am and it just is. I slowly stopped feeling emotions before coming here, now I just don't feel at all. I'm not rested but I'm not tired. I'm not happy but I'm not unhappy neither. I ran away from feelings so I don't have any anymore. Did He put me here? I don't know. Does He exist? I don't know. Am I talking or thinking? I don't know. Do I care? No. That's it. Everything is done. So am I. I guess I could pray. Yeah that sounds good. I close my eyes and start praying. My hearts gets warm. Wait. My heart gets warm? That means I feel something. I stop. I'm back in that blank space not feeling anything. I restart my prayer. My heart gets warm again but I keep going. Amen. I open my eyes again. I'm in the blank space, but I feel. Yeah, I feel. And now there's a floor under my feet. I feel the floor. I don't know what emotion I'm feeling but it's a good one. i just feel good. Is that from my prayer? Probably, 'cause it's like God; we don't really know what He is but we know He's just good. I pray again. Now, when I open my eyes the blank space isn't blank anymore, there's grass under my feet. I sit down and look around. The rest is still the same. All blank exept of the grass. I decide to lay on it. I fall asleep. There's a man. His back faces me. My heart is really warm. It's Him.
"-You found The Way, Dania. You found The Path. Follow it."
Then I wake, on the grass, in the blank space. I know what I have to do. I pray. A long prayer, the longest prayer I've ever made. I open my eyes to a whole new place. I'm in front of a church. It's impressive. It's beautiful. It's wow. I enter. Again, it's just wow. I know it's a special church, it feels like home.
"-Hey"
I know that voice. I turn around and see Marjorie. Wait. No! She didn't... Tell me she didn't...
"- I'm not really here, your imagination putted me here,
-Why?
-'Cause you want me here.
-Why?
-To feel like home."
That wasn't her. She didn't speak. Plus, it's a male voice. It's familiar. I turn around and face my brother. I hug him but I know it's not true. I have to let them go. I tell them to leave. That leaves me alone with God. I pray for them. 'Cause I know that the probably are crying at home. I pray for hours. I pray that they will understand, even tho I know they can't... I go take a wallk in the neighborhood. I know these houses, but I dont know from where. I keep walking and I see a military base. I get in and I see a soldier with an Alto Saxophone. I can't keep myself from asking if I can borrow it. He says yes. Then it hits me, he's handsome. It doesn't matter, I take the sax and start playing the Canada's national anthem. People come listen and some sing. When I'm done, I give the sax back and a woman come to talk to me.
''-Take this.''
She hands me an alto sax and a uniform.
''-I can't. I mean, I just played the national anthem, why would you give me that?
-I feel you, child. I know you are the one we're looking for.''
I take it and thank her. I'm living my dream. Well... Not really living it... Anyways, it's happening. I'm an army musician. My "after life" begins.
