Never In A Million Years

Chapter Nine

I wipe off my eyes, but new tears immediately take their place on my face.

"I'm coming in," the person says, and the bathroom door creaks open.

I try to calm my breathing and stop the tears from falling. I try to erase Shelby's pleased face from my mind. I try to remove her evil glint in her eyes. I try to mute her words going through my head. They won't stop coming. I hear them over and over and I end up with my head in my arms again.

I'm so stupid.

I'm such an idiot.

I don't want to look at myself again.

I feel ashamed.

I actually fell for it.

I actually thought they could be my friends.

And they're all right.

They're right about me.

I'm just a loser with no friends.

"Lili, open this right now." Someone is shaking the stall door.

I ignore it. I don't do as much as looking up to acknowledge the door being shaken.

"Lili, you're in there. I know you are. Stop ignoring me."

"You aren't supposed to be in here," I say quietly, but my voice sounds as if it is leaking with venom. The hatred is evident though I don't mean it to be.

"I don't care," he takes a deep breath.

"Lili, let me in."

"Go away," I say quietly.

"I want to know what happened, Lili. Who did this to you?"

This throws a wrench into my stomach and forces more and more tears to flow as an affect. I tighten my grip around my legs. Who did this to me? Oh, just the few people I thought actually cared about me. The few people I thought might actually be friends with me. I find those words funny coming from him.

"Unlock this door now," he says.

"Just go," I say softly.

"No, tell me what caused this, who did something, just tell me! Do you know that it hurts not only you but me too when I see you like this?"

"Give it up! Give it up, Drew! Your act is over! It was funny, a real great memory keepsake! Is that what you wanted? Because right now, you've got everything you want, right? You've got the crowd, you've got the school, you've got girls jumping all over you, you've got the best reputation and what do I have? Just what you wanted. Thank you. Goodbye, Drew," I say, and end breathing deeply, my head aching. "You have what you wanted."

"Lili, what are you talking about?" He lets out a frustrated breath. "You're killing me, Lili. Come out here so I can talk to you."

"What, got a new brilliant idea to make me look like an idiot in front of everyone? Got a new shiny camera out there to capture a new hilarious video of me embarrassing myself and get me made fun of all day? Because that's a good time!"

"Lili, I-"

"Go! Leave!" I wipe my eyes on my sleeves and let out a deep breath.

"Excuse me, what do you think you're doing in here?" By the sound of it, he's been caught by one of the hallway monitors. He'll be taken back to wherever he came from and away from me, which is all I need. Privacy.

"But..."

"With me. Now."

And the door closes. They're gone.
I rest my head back against the wall and close my eyes. Only two days ago I thought my life could never get better. I was naive and in a dream, and now look where I am. I have nobody, nothing.