Innermost Thoughts

Present Day

He stood there scowling at me. I could hear his frustration with me in his very breathing. Merle Dixon is an intimidating man to many, but not me. I'm usually able to find peace in his presence, but not now. Now, I feel so cornered! It wasn't Merle's fault, all he did was ask why I crying.
"Do you honestly want to know?", I sniffed.
"Wouldn't a asked if I didn't", he rasped.
"I feel like I can trust you and I haven't talked about this before. I'm not sure how to start." I started comfort rocking slowly back and forth. I was startled out of my inner turmoil by Merle simply placing his forefinger under my chin and gently tipping my head up. As our eyes met, he leaned forward so that our foreheads met and rasped, "tell me, ya know I won't talk."
He sat down on my right side, wrapped me in his arms and I leaned into his chest and started talking.
"I won't go into details too much. I was sexually abused by my mom's dad for 3 summers when I was between 8-11. This seriously screwed me up as I now equate sex with love, I have major trust issues, zero noise tolerance, I'm touch starved and I am just so drained. I grew up in a First Responder household and it was, and is, incredibly toxic. Most days I don't even make it out of bed."
Merle didn't say anything, but his left hand continuously stroked me from the top of my head to the top of my butt. His right hand held my hands gently to the spot above his heart. I was starting to calm down. I hate being mentally ill.
"My 'professional care giver' sister is so emotionally abusive that I'm just done." I continued. "I don't know what the answer is, but it can't go on like this. I don't know how much more I can take. Leaving isn't an option, no money and nowhere to go to."
  I felt Merle's arms tighten around me.
"I ain't got no answers right now, but we'll think a sumthin."