Saving Scott

9: An Itemized List Part 1

Someone said 'oh shit' in the background and I barely saw Carter move before his fist was slamming into my cheekbone. No one had expected it, or they would have tried to stop him.

His arm wound back for another shot and even though my face was aching I threw my knee up between us and pushed him back before I jumped off of the jeep. I'd never been a fighter, outside of a few scuffles with Matt for fun, but this was real.

I hit Carter back. Anywhere I could. Fists flying and kicks landing. I was only dimly aware of his hits landing on me, of background pain, and the crowd gathering around us.

I wasn't even sure it was Carter I was seeing. I was just pissed, and he was there, egging me on.

At some point, we hit the ground. The asphalt sent a shaking pain up my entire arm, but I ignored it in favor of slamming my elbow back into Carter's gut instead. He spat something out at me but I didn't bother to listen to it.

Before I knew it, there were hands in my shirt, dragging me backwards. I tried to keep going, aiming a few more pointless throws, but Carter and I were feet apart.

"What's going on here!" Someone demanded. It must have been a teacher.

"That pervert tried to grab my balls!" Carter stated, pointing a finger in my direction.

"Are you kidding me!" I yelled back, and made one more desperate attempt to throw myself Carter's way, but whoever was holding onto me was doing a good job of it. I heard Matt's voice, but I wasn't sure what he was saying.

I wiped at the corner of my mouth when it felt warm and wet. There was blood on my palm when I pulled it away, but I didn't remember getting hit there.

Wesley's girlfriend, Jess, had somehow managed to get everything on camera, which got me out of most of the trouble. Carter had thrown the first hit, and instigated. She had even caught exactly what Carter had said because she'd been filming herself before he'd popped off.

Carter got ISS but I just ended up with lunch detention. It could have been worse, but something inside of me was still just mad. I was sure it had something to do about the fact that Lakyn had been right. Spending time with him at school had lead to rumors, and those rumors had lead to Carter Johnson hitting me in the face.

It was hard to talk to Lakyn -- or even look at him -- because the bruises on my face meant that I had failed, somehow. Failed to keep our friendship ours, failed to keep him out of it, failed to just be me.

***

I started drinking again. I hadn't even realized I had stopped until I started checking all of my old hiding places for mini bottles. I started going to school drunk, which was new, but it helped me cope with the shit people said behind my back.

It was barely worse than what they said to my face.

Matt kept a lot of it from getting to me, a human shield against the bullshit teenagers could come up with. Kaitlynn, surprisingly, also stepped up. I'd always considered her a friend, I just hadn't expected her to be such a good one.

Claire Yates had been an alcohol driven mistake. One I hadn't even fully understood until Homecoming, when she'd dropped her pompoms, grabbed my shoulder pads, and pulled me into a kiss like she was trying to eat my face off. It was only then that I realized I had really, really fucked up.

I showed up at Lakyn's house on a weekend. I wasn't sure exactly what day, but I knew there wasn't school. I had planned to talk, to explain, to apologize, to ask him for help. But when I opened my mouth, nothing happened.