Sunshine

Chapter 1

it's sometimes hard to describe how you feel most the time you can't get the words out and you sit there wondering the fuck is wrong with you and where you went wrong in life. you feel heavy, isolated and like nobody can hear you no matter how fucking loud you scream nobody can hear you. you eventually become scared of yourself, wondering what you will do to yourself if you were alone for much more longer. plotting what you're going to do to yourself. 

people just say these are feelings but they are not JUST feelings its a mental illness, people like to say it's not normal, these thoughts and feelings but it is normal, it's okay to not be ok. that's what one of my close friends told me. 

Growing up in the rough part of town not many people notice you, they don't notice that you're battered and bruised. I was probably at my lowest of low I felt like nobody could help me, I didn't eat to leave my bed, I didn't want to shower, I didn't want to eat, all I wanted to do was sleep, the littlest things set me off like a grenade. I wasn't healthy. I had one close friend one of the only people who cared about me. Michael, he was like a puppy, soft, cuddly, understanding and had endless love to provide for everyone he understood me, understood how I was feeling, I had known Michael since we were 5 years old. 

Michael and I met when we started kindergarten, I was sitting at the top of the slide waiting for the person below to move so I could slide down after yelling "please move!" 5 times I decided to go down and kick them in the back the kid turned around and it was Michael he ran off to the teacher crying we both got detention, we started laughing over something in detention, something about a show on Television and ever since that day we were inseparable. We had a lot in common we grew up with similar households, only mum and dad had no siblings, we both had financial issues we always slept at each other's houses.

Michael had other friends, he was in a band with these 3 other guys that I hadn't met until he dragged me along to one of his band practices because he insisted that I couldn't be alone in the mental state I was in. Michael was a good friend, he knew me better than I knew myself and always knew exactly what I needed. 

Michael had mentioned the band members a few times, there was Ashton, Calum, and Luke. They seemed like cool guys from what I had heard. The first time I met them we were late, my hair was a mess but it wasn't when I left the house but it managed to crawl its way into a messy bun on top of my head. As Michael introduced me I shyly sat in the corner on a chair in the room minding my own business, but I felt someone staring at me I felt uncomfortable I looked up seeing Calum's brown eyes looking into my own brown eyes, he had nice eyes, they weren't dark brown or light brown they were in the middle, he then smiled at me, it was like a ray of sunshine came beaming out of his mouth, that's the only way I could describe that smile. It was kind of contagious, if he smiled, you smiled too, you couldn't help it and that's how he got the nickname sunshine.

That's where it all started that bloody smile. Calum was the kindest person you would ever meet, he was passionate, kind, caring, funny. He was one of the most inspiring people you would ever meet and if you needed help he would be there in a heartbeat. He always tried to be positive even if he was going through something mentally he always turned it into a positive, he was resilient. He was easy to love, unlike me. I've never been an easy person to love if I got close to someone I'd push them away because I got scared, I got scared of hurting them. 

Calum and I were inseparable wherever we where he'd be holding my hand, Michael and Calum were the only people I'd allow to come to close to me. Calum knew what I was going through mentally and he helped me, the weight on my shoulders seemed to get lighter, I no longer felt as isolated, no longer as scared of myself because I had someone, he was my sunshine, my only sunshine. He made me so fucking happy with myself and life, it was like starting all over again, another chance at life. 

➵ Hey everyone, this is a starting chapter, longer chapters coming soon :)