Poisonous Love

Chapter 38: My Everything

"I became a really renowned scientist. I was given many awards and prizes. Yet even then, with all my money and fame, my parents never turned to look my way even once. It made me even more angry and bitter. I wanted to be loved so badly, yet nothing I did worked. So I gave up. I started using drugs on myself, making myself a test subject. A very big crime for a scientist- but many still do it. I filled my empty heart by reading novels and books which I could pretend I was the main character... and feel the love they received. It still wasn't enough for me, and I ended up dead when a poison I created completely ended my life.

I thought it was over after that, until, when I had already became Rosalia, did I fall down the stairs. I suffered a head injury, and ended up remembering all about my past life. I was completely terrified at first you know? Not because I had a past life, but I had the exact name and face, as a character from a novel I had read then..." my voice became quieter.

"Indeed, I quite literally became a story character. Everything in the novel was really in front of me. But I didn't become the main character. The main character was Katrina Haze. Instead, I became the evil Duke's daughter! Haha, so ironic. Yet... my parents liked me now. They didn't hate that I was a girl, and were proud of all my accomplishments. Then I got a brother, and he liked me too. I was on cloud nine... until I started having terrible dreams. You see, in the novel, Rosalia dies at the hands of one of Katrina's lovers. Either I died by execution, by Ceil's hands. I died by wild dogs and torture by Maxwell. I drink poisoned tea by Phillip. I'm suffocated and carved open by Gerald. Or Vincent sells me to bandits and dismembers me.
I kept telling myself those things won't happen in real life, especially since my personality is far different because I remembered my past life. Yet the dreams I had felt like I was really there... feeling all the pain and suffering. Dying so gruesomely, that I became panicked and stricken with constant anxiety. I couldn't sleep at night. I went a bit mad. I ran away from home again. It's what I was good at. Running away.

When you called me a coward. I was so upset because I was told the truth. I didn't want to die, but I was still so desperate to hang onto that familial love I begged and cried for... I could stay away.

It all worked though, under the protection of different entities, I was away from the Demon trying to break me. I stopped having nightmares, and I felt more confident in myself. I felt accomplished. When I was punished for running away, I felt happy. I loved the attention and care I received.

Then I had you. I had the leopard who listened with such intelligence I doubted it at first. I know why now you understood me, but back then, I felt your eyes... looked like mine in my past life. Starved and broken. I wanted to beat up whoever hurt you, and give you my own care. I felt comfortable around you..." My voice was weaker.

I did it. I admitted all my short comings. Who I was. What I was.

"You said you wanted everything right?" I laughed nervous about his reaction. He's been so quiet.

The arms around me tightened, Kai pressed his lips against the juncture of my neck.

"I want everything and more... I'm sorry. I'm sorry you went through so much, and I wish I could take your pain away. Yet... I'm glad those things happened, because it means I got to meet you" my chest tightened. Can't he stay this sweet?

"Sorry, I want to fucking rip the arms off of each of those men for even making you feel scared" my blood went cold, the sweetness was short lived.

"Should I tell you mine then? I said I wouldn't lie to you ever again, right?" He murmured against my neck, but I was excited he trusted me enough to tell me his own story.

"When I was a kid... I had a fairly happy home. We were wealthy, my parents were in love. It was a good family.

Until I found my mother dead in the garden when I was 5. Assassins are always targeting families like ours. We held so much political power, and my mother being a married off Princess for a peace treaty, her death would weaken the bonds between the Kingdoms.

My father went insane. For some reason, he blamed me. For not stoping it, for not being strong enough.

So he started training me. Ruthlessly. I wasn't allowed rest or proper meals, and my body started deteriorating. I just wanted something- anything to comfort me for the loss of my mother. I didn't receive it though, instead all I found were cold empty walls which seemed to laugh at my situation.
So I would sneak out at night, just to be away from such an empty home.
My father would drink so much, he'd be passed out by midnight. That's when I'd leave, to at least experience the quiet. If he woke up, I knew it'd be me who'd take the brunt of his anguish.

That's when I met you. A little girl lost in the woods, also unable to sleep.
I thought you were weird, but I didn't hate your presence. At least, at the time, it was something.

While the abuse worsened, I really did get stronger. Maybe it was only physically, but when I turned 12, he wasn't able to lay a finger on me.
So he turned to outside teachers to train me, and break me. They were ruthless you know, but when you described your swordsmanship teacher as a "Hell Goblin" I truly related. It made me laugh. My instructors would beat me till my bones broke. My kind heal quickly, so they didn't care how injured I was, as long as I was alive to heal.
I was so angry... I hated my father who couldn't handle his wife's death, and I hated my mother for leaving with such a bastard for so long... even now I want to end his life. The only reason I haven't... that's because of you. When you said you'd skin whoever hurt me alive, it just made all the anguish disappear. Such a hilarious and sweet girl, telling me in great detail how'd you beat up my father..." Kai laughed, holding me. I felt his chest vibrate against me.
My own smile was sad.

No wonder.

No wonder this man was so broken and terrified of being abandoned.

While I was starved of love, his was beaten out of him. When I asked for hug, I'd be turned down. He'd be hurt for such a thing.

No wonder...

I had a full college education in my past, where they taught in-depth psychology and sociology. Child abuse is a serious issue, and can deeply affect the psyche of a child going into adulthood.
The cure is time, and of course, talking through the experiences and figuring out how to work through aggression.

He wasn't human either... I'd need to research into his kind and how they function normally before I can even delve into how psychological issues.

My chin was grabbed while I was in deep thought before lips covered my own. I jumped a bit in shock.

"You're dazing off again Princess" he murmured against my lips.
My heart was beating painfully into my chest. Attractive is still attractive... even if your lover is a little off.

"Princess...?" I questioned up at him. He smiled a little.

"Don't like that one? I'll think of a better one later" he chuckled.