Falling Again

  I can't really tell you much about my biological mother. I can tell you that her name was Sarah. I can also tell you that she misused a lot of things, and that my dad fell in love with who he thought she was. She never wanted a baby. So, as you can imagine, she flat out refused to take care of the little girl she delivered once I got back from my trip to Spokane for surgery. My dad was the one who cared for me. 

  Quite a few years went by with it just being the two of us. I didn't mind it. I was about 4 when he got his first wife that I remember. That marriage didn't last long though. I don't remember all the details, just that I was a crying mess that never really understood what was happening, much less the meaning of the word they frequently used:

  Divorce.

  I hit 7, and my dad found someone that he stayed with for quite a while. Gerelyn. She became my mother through 2nd, 3rd, and part of 4rth grade. She was alright at first, seemingly sweet and flawless in a sense. I was young, and I decided to take a chance then. I completely opened up to her. I trusted this woman, trusted that she would take care of me and love my dad. I let her in on my secrets, my emotions, and let her into my heart. I regret that now.

  There was talk of a divorce at some point, but my dad fixed things for the moment. And then we discovered that she was cheating on him. I felt my heart drop and shatter on the wooden floor of my bedroom. Fury and anger hit me, but it was mostly betrayal and agony that I felt. I stopped talking to a lot of people then.

  A year or two latter, my dad got a girlfriend. Michelle. She seemed sweet, and while it took much longer, I took the risk again and opened up. I kept her close for a little while, until her true colors began to show.

  She all but detested me. Screaming, yelling, threatening to punch me. I was about 9 then. It was around that time that I began to get serious trust issues. I kept my distance from people, afraid that I would get hurt. I have a new mom now. Joy. I love her, but part of me still doesn't trust her. I'm 13 now. Her and my dad have been together for about 2 and a half years now, but I'm still scared, still absolutely terrified that she's going to leave me and my dad. Just like everyone else has. I'm an emotional wreck at times, and she tells me she's not going anywhere. I want to believe her, but I've also heard those words before.