tik tok boys

admitting your feelings★ j . r

*3 years in the past*

"say something in italian, please." josh laughs, my heart rate incresing.

"why though?" i ask, wondering why he asked the random question.

"because it's cool. pleaseeeeee" he pouts, adding in his famous puppy dog eyes.

"fine, you're lucky i deal with you." i giggle.

"say a longish sentence." he smiles.

"non ho mai creduto in quelle storie d'amore sdolcinate, ma poi ho messo gli occhi su di te e alla fine ho creduto. è stato amore a prima vista, e non hai idea di come mi sento." i blush, looking him in the eyes.

"woah.. what does it mean?" he asks, his eyes lighting up.

"i'll tell you someday, joshy." i smile, hitting him with a pillow.

"oh it's on." he laughs, hitting me back.
-
*one week before present time."

"i can't believe you can't go to hoco.. stupid fucking cancer. ugh, why can't God just spare you some pain and make you healthy. it's so stupid. you don't deserve it oh my fuck." josh complains, pacing around my hospital room.

"joshy, it'll be fine, i'll get better. if it isn't my time, you know damn well i won't leave you. just go to hoco, enjoy yourself. but watch your language." i reassure him, watching him walk back and forth.

"there's no way i'm going to hoco without you. you're crazy if you think i'm going to." he tells me, glaring in my direction.

"well okay then, cranky pants. we can just chill here and have a movie night?" i suggest, kind of hoping he'll accept the offer.

"i have a better idea." he smiles.

"what is it?" i ask, my eyebrow raised.

"you'll see. just make sure you're wearing the dress you were going to wear to hoco. bye, i love you." he smiles, kissing my forehead and heading out the door.

"love you too, dork." i laugh, my attention fixing onto the television.
-
*present time*

"why is he making me wear this? my breathing tube makes it look gross. I don't even look good. i'm just gonna embarrass myself. mommy, i don't wanna go out there like this. oh my goddddd. why can't i just wear sweats?" i complain, looking at myself in the mirror.

"you look beautiful. you should get some concelor on to cover those dark circles though." she laughs, exiting the bathroom.

i do as she suggested, covering my dark circles with concelor. i apply some mascara and brow gel, topping it off with highlighter.

i put my slip on vans back on, not seeing the point in wearing heels. i touch up my hair, re-straightening the parts that started to curl themselves. my mom walks back into the bathroom, smiling widely.

"come on, honey. everything is ready to go." she smiles, nearly in tears as i turn around.

"okay.. do you think he'll like how i look?" i ask, looking down at my dress.

"he'll love it. come on." she smiles.

we walk out of the bathroom and into my room. all the lights are off, but theres a dim light that the pumpkin spice sented candles give off. i look to my left to see my food cart sitting in the middle of the walkway with a big gift bag on it. i smile widely, my mom walking me over to it.