Holding My Heart In His Hands.

Holding My Heart In His Hands. Chapter Two.

Holding My Heart In His Hands.

Chapter Two.

I don't know how long I sleep for but the next thing I know, I'm being shaken awake.

"Come on, Hunnie. We're here." My Mom whispers as my eyes open. The first thing I see is the light seeping through the car windows.

"Already?" My voice comes out gruff and wispy.

"Hunnie, we've been on the road for seven hours, you've been out of it all this time. Didn't you sleep last night?" she asks. I haven't slept in months, I think but I dont sayit outload.

"Yeah, nerves was all." I tell her,I let my eyes adjust to the sunlight before I look out of the window. We're parked in this really cute neighbourhood. Across the road I can see two kids about nine on they're bikes, racing each other to the end of the road. And old woman and an old man are walking casually down the road, hand in hand while a woman pushing a buggy walks past them.

"Cute..." I mumble and my Mom beams.

"You haven't seen the best of it, look out the other window." My Mom tells me and I do as she tells me. Sitting in front of me is this beautiful house with amazing glass crystal windows and a beautiful balcony at the front.

"It's beautiful..." I whisper.

"I know, isn't it. We're in one of the best neighbourhoods in the state, darling. The house even has its own pool, isn't that grand?" She asks and I nod at her, sitting up straight and reaching for the door. I get out and look about. All the neighbouring houses gardens are perfectly manicured and cut, making the neighbourhood look like a scene out of Desperate House Wife's.

"Why dont we go in, Hunnie. All the new furniture has been set out and your clothes and other stuff are already in your room. I hope you like it, we gave you the best room in the house." She smiles. I sigh and plaster a grin on my face, trying to look happy when all I want to do is put on my PJ's and curl in a ball under my comforter.

"You didn't need to do that." I tell her and she wraps an arms around my slim figure.

"I just want you to be happy here, Clarity. After...Your brother and sister, you have barley been out of the house. I want this to be a new start for us. I want us to make new memories here." She says in a motherly voice. I sigh and nod.

"Okay, Mom."

"Why don't you go check out your room then rest up? You're starting school tomorrow, remember?" she checks and I nod.

"You're room is on the very top floor, it's the master bedroom." She tells me, giving me a light push towards our new house. Stumbling up the path, I open the door and walk in. The front door leads me into a huge, circular lounge room with a chandelier hanging on the high ceiling. I walk through the door and it leads me to a large staircase. I remember my Mom telling me that the first four rooms are on the second floor while the master bedroom is on the third, taking up the full size of the house.

So, I trudge up the two flights of stairs until I reach one single door. I guess this is my stop,I tell myself as I push the door open. Old me would be impressed by my room, with the huge black Gothic chandelier hanging on the ceiling and the huge four poster bed sitting up against a dark purple center wall. Old me would have have rushed into the closet that would hold thousands of clothing but not the new me. The new me just dumps her duffel bag on the ground and curls up in a ball on the bed and cries.

I cry because of the ache in my chest. I cry because my sister isn't here to share this experiance. I cry because my sister would be jealous for me having this room. I cry because my brother isn't here to check for faults, trying his best to keep me safe.

I cry until the sun goes down and my Mom comes up to check on me.

"Hunnie, what's wrong? Don't you like it?" She asks, sitting softly down on the bed and gathering me up in a hug.

"No, it's great." I sniff and wipe my tears away.

"Then what is it?" she whispers, pushing my hair back and smiling sadly down at me.

"Casey and John, Mom. I miss them so much. I dont want to forget them." I whisper and she hugs me tighter.

"I know, Hunnie. I know its hard but we have to move on." She says, tears in her eyes.

"I cant." I cry and she pulls me onto her lap.

"Look, Casey and John wouldnt want you to live like this." She tells me sternly as a few tears escape her eyes.

"They would want you to move on. By moving on, I dont mean forgeting them, I mean keeping them close to your heart at all times but still moving forward, not looking back and thinking 'What ifs . They wouldn't want to see you be this unhappy." She says.

"I can't." I mumble, wiping away a few tears.

"You can, Clarity. Look, this is what you're going to do: You're going to wake up in the morning and the first thing you're going to think is how lucky you were to have a brother and sister like you did. I dont want you to think about how they're not here anymore, because they will always be there for you, Clarity. They'll aways be looking out for you." She says, looking me in the eyes.

"You may think that they're not there but they are, Clarity. They're right beside you, willing you on and telling you to man up." She ends with a chuckle and I fall into her.

"I want you to write a letter to them, Hunnie. At the end of every week I want you to write a letter to them and then burn it and leave the ashes out in the wind." she tells me and I pull back.

"But you have to have stuff to put in that letter, you hear? You cant just mope about doing nothing all week, you have to be productive." She tells me and I nod. She sets me down and brings the comforter over my shoulders then tucks me in.

"Promise me something, Hunnie." She says, looking over me.

"What?" I whisper.

"Promise me you'll make friends in this new school of yours and you'll learn to be happy again." She asks and I close my eyes. Opening them up again, I look into her's and see how unhappy I've made her by moping about these past months.

"I'll try." I mumble before falling into my first peaceful slumber in six months.