The Pain Under My Hoodie

Chapter 1

The Drama begins..
As a Young Kid,growing up in the hood my parents wanted the best for me! They felt even though We lived in the Hood. Watts California, that I didn't have to become a product of my environment. But I guess some things are inevitable.As a 3 year old I was enrolled into St.Peter's Head start over on willow brook avenue in the city of Compton. Which is right next door to Watts! I was practically born and raised here!Before We moved here,We were staying on 106th and Western Avenue. I had an older Brother Everybody called Sugar Bear or S.B for short. He was from Raymond Crip's and was one of the 1st members to Run with O.G Took and Stan they were From the same Hood !My Pops was an Official Black Panther by name of  Bobby C. from the Oakland chapter. My Mother was a Queen Panther and both were active til I was Born,that was around 1977. This was the year of the summer of Sam,He was a known killer that had all of The people of New York City on edge. N.A.S.A had launched its Voyager 2 into Space and the Oakland Raiders Won the Super Bowl.They played against the Minnesota Vikings and won 32-14.This was also a time were racism was still being motivated by White racist Police and the White bigot's of America!
     I grew up during a time where Violence plague the streets of Watts ,L.a ,south central and more.Back in the day,My Pops would gather with fellow brothers from around the neighborhood and they'd form protest rally's and would fight for the betterment of our community, on a much higher plain.While My Brother which was a member of the C.R.I.P.s
Community Representatives in Power! They were the foot Soldiers in the Hood. Their Job was to keep our people protected and keep the young kids out of trouble. Along with having a sense of unity within Ourselves.Gang banging had begun around 1969 .My Brother S.B Would drive over to the west side after work and Sometimes on the weekends.Mainly to chill with the Homies ,drink a few beers,Smoke some bud and play some Dominoes.When that got old,they'll shoot some craps .My Bro loved to get that paper. He was a prime example of a true Hustler.He workedband was going to School at L.a Trade tech to become an Auto technician. On a warm day it was May 12,1979 .S.B came home from Work to find a  strange Man setting on the stairs. We lived on 110 th street,We were the only family that had two houses on the same property!We lived in the back house, Which was upstairs over a three car garage. My Brother S.B wanted to head on upstairs to get some rest and relax .But when He asked the Guy to move,is when things took a turn for the worst.S.B was pretty quick tempered and was upset at the fact that He found someone He didn't Know setting on the porch.He asked Who are you here for?the dude took offense to what S.B said .Then Dude replies Not you,Who are you ? He ask,and S.B responded Cuz" I live here!Where you from Cuz ?Dude said Grape Street Crip .Dude was being real ass hole and Our Mom was like a Psychic.
      She'd been expecting Him Home soon,So She went to the door to find My Brother and this Guy chest to chest arguing with one another! By that time My Cousin Tammy came out of the front house to find Her friend, arguing with her Cousin S.B.She immediately runs to the stairs to help her Aunt Faye which was Me and S.B's Mom.Tammy and Her Aunts separates the Two and S.B is escorted into the house.The two houses were separated by a carport.So When S.B gets in the House He explains the whole ordeal to Moms and then played it off like He was good and wasn't going to continue with oh boy !But While setting on his bed ,ear hustling.He over heard,Dude say His Momma better had came and got him,Before I whooped His ass and Man When My Brother S.B heard that shit ,He hopped out the window on to the carport and jumped down to the ground and got to whaling off in oh boy ass! Before they knew it,they were face to face again and Bro was getting the best of bitch boy!That's when My Cousin Tammy tried separating them for a second time.but at this very moment She was alone.My Mom hadn't noticed S.B was gone.She was feeding me and my Second oldest Brother Roman Who was disabled. I was only 2 years old at this time,My Mother heads to the Room to see if S.B was hungry.That when She notices the obvious and proceeds to the front door and down the stairs She went ,to see Tammy struggling between the two.
    Tammy was calling for My Mother.But She  had long lost her hearing by then .Luckily for Faye She had instinct ,almost Magical.Finally She makes it down the stairs.Tammy was holding her Cousin,She knew and loved him like a Brother.But because He was pulverizing Dude She grabbed and was holding S.B talking to Him Trying to calm Him down while her friend lied on the ground. Tammy's friend rose from the ground While Her back was turned, and oh boy swung around Her and hit my Brother in the back of the head!S.B shook that shit off knowing He got his in,He didn't even sweat it.He went on upstairs with a few more choice words.The guy,whose name was Mel Diamond He was an O.G from Grape! S.B was sure He was going to go and alert his Homies.
So my Brother S.B was did the same.He had his feet kicked up on the wall while he laid in his bed talking to his lady Vee vee by the time night fell.Everything ended up being chill ,S.B was feeling pretty exhausted from His long day and decided to tell Vee Vee He loved her and would call Her in the morning!
     The next day my Mother was getting my brother Roman ready for School and making breakfast .She looks up at the time on the microwave: Saying Oh damn S.B isn't up yet:She entered his Room and He was still asleep.She shakes Him,And shouts Bear" get up you gotta go to work.He awakes and his Response is ok Momma I'm up! My Mom leaves the room to finish up with breakfast. after a few minutes She was done and the plates were served.By the time She had plates on the table,S.B still hadn't gotten up.So My Mom storms in the room again to see Him laying down still sleeping.She says C'Mon S.B get your behind up!His Eyes rolled to the back of head!She immediately felt something was wrong.He was now suddenly,non- responsive.
     She called for an ambulance and then called a friend of My Dad's So He could get the message over to him that something was wrong with S.B and He was in route to the hospital.
   My Dad's work buddy J dub got a hold of him and shared the news!My Pops immediately dropped his tools and ran to his truck.He slams it in gear and steps on the gas.Bobbing and weaving through traffic.He actually arrived at the Hospital before for the Ambulance got  there.He left the truck parked in the emergency area and ran to the double sliding doors of M.L.K Hospital.Where He saw S.B barely conscious on a gurney.He was falling into a coma,Dad near His bedside S.B opened His eyes and He saw gave a winked and smiled .
He then points to His his necklace and My Dad understood what He was Trying to say.So He removed it.Then my Brother pointed to his ring  finger with his birthstone,as it shined and With heavy tears in my Fathers Eyes He proceeds to remove His ring from his finger.My Brother closed Eyes and He was gone! In tears and heart broken my Father was.I was only 2 years of age at the time.But I remember seeing the front door open and this bright blinding light!More than young eyes could bare.I could recalled white suits entering the house,taking a gurney and placing it against his bed and them picking Him up and placing on it!Then they rolled him into the hallway.He laid there for a short time.While the E.M.T asked a few questions and strapped Him in.Because they were taking him down stairs and didn't want to further injury himself.
       Something about that day never left me! It left A dead silence,a emptiness, a void and a Mothers screams,that I still rings in my ears.