Goodbye Soul (Get Scared fanfic)

I was terrified

There's a brief silence that makes my ears ring. The air feels like its thinning again, like if I was climbing Mt. Everest. Johnny comes closer to me and offers me a hug that I gratefully accept. His cast feels hard against my back, but the hug feels nice.

"I keep having flash backs of the accident. I keep reliving the moment over and over again. And getting in a car makes it so much worse. "

He let's go of me.

"That explains a lot. Why didn't you day anything, dude?" Johnny asks, "we could've helped you."

"'Cause it's embarrassing," I answer, "I shouldn't be so afraid of a fucking car."

"You're not afraid of the car, you're afraid of the possibility of seeing one of us get hurt again," Johnny tells me. 

Someone Walks in to the restroom, so we walk out not wanting our conversation to be heard by a man taking a piss.

The way to the waiting room feels endless. 

"I should've been the one that got hurt, or the one who died," I mumble once we're sitting in the waiting room.

"Hey, don't say that!" he hits my head softly.

"I got Nick distracted. We should've switch spots sooner. If I hadn't been so fucking lazy, he would be okay. I should've been the one that suffered the consequences," I say, "I should be in the one in the hospital, or the one buried 6 feet below."

"Lloyd, shut up, this isn't your fault. You didn't drive an 18 wheeler into our RV. You can't put this blame in yourself when you aren't even responsible for it."

Not knowing how to respond, I stay quiet with my face in my palms. Johnny rubs my back for a few seconds then stops.

I can hear people's screams echo in my ears and around my head. The sound of the windows breaking haunts me like a ghost in the night and I can't sleep. Nick's lifeless face, Dan's terrified face, Johnny's broken arm.

"Clear!"

This won't stop; it won't ever stop. 

"Wake up!"

Johnny shakes me subtly. "It's not real, Lloyd."

"Fuck! FUCK FUCK FUCK!" I yell, "I'm going fucking crazy!"

"I don't think you're going crazy, I think you might have PTSD."

The thought of that makes me sick. There's no cure to that. If I have that, I'm stuck with this for life.

"My sister has PTSD. And this is kinda how it started for her. I mean I'm not a professional, so I can't tell you for sure, but I can tell you to go see one."

I take a moment to think I through. It probably would be to my benefit to talk to a therapist. "I think I will. "

                                      --------------------

About an hour later, I started dozing off on the couch in Nick's hospital room. The doctors told us that he just had really bad migraine due to the concussion he has. The rest of the day he's been a lot more sleepy. Poor guy even threw up at one point. 

He was given painkillers, which WE ALL MADE SURE WOULDN'T BE ADDICTING. We definetly don't want Nick hopped up on opiods again. Not after he fought so hard to recover from his addiction to heroin. 

  Now, nearly 7:00 pm, Johnny is trying to get me to get in the car and go to the hotel. We're not even in the parking garage yet and I can already feely my lungs start to close on themselves. I really need to seek professional help, I am not functional at all anymore.

The parking garage is mostly empty; just a few cars here and there. The air feels warm and humid. Johnny pulls the keys out of his pocket and aims the keys at he black tahoe to unlock.

Johnny looks at me and says, "it's gonna be okay, you just have to face it."

I open the door to the front seat and my limbs turn to jello. Fuck Fuck. Fuck.

"I can't do it," I mutter turn around, putting my hands at my temples before yelling, "I can't fucking do it."

"You can, and you will. We can drive around the garage for a bit, maybe that can help you get used to the car, then we can go out a bit further, until we get to the hotel."

Johnny pats my back and waits for me to get into the car so he can close the door. 

I buckle my seatbelt. My hands are going numb and panic strikes my back and shakes my insides. Once Johnny gets in the driver's seat I realize how dangerous it is for him to be driving with only one hand.

"Can you driver like that?" I ask as I gesture to his arm.

"I got here, didn't I? I can still grip the steering wheel, it's fine."

He turns the engine on and is about to set it in drive.

"Wait!" I yell.

"What?"

"I can't. I should just stay here. It's fine. Maybe I can shower here and I'll adjust to not sleeping. And everything will be okay."

"Listen to me, you can't spend the rest of your life in that hospital. I know you're scared. But sometimes you gotta Get Scared to make it."

Wow using my own words against me. Clever. 

"Fine, just drive. I'll just close my eyes and think about happy things.. Like dogs," I say. Johnny puts the car into drive and we leave the parking garage for the first time.

(This took an eternity to put out.. And im really sorry. A lot of random shot has been going on in my life which has taken my attention away from writing. But hey im here now, next chapter will probably take a while to put out too, but im working on it 😅)