Only Temporary

1

I'm losing sleep. I know that's not good. Doesn't matter, never matters. How could it? Monday morning. Nobody looks forward to Monday morning. At least I don't.

Of course, however, it's even worse. School. School isn't something I look forward to. Never did, never will. If it means getting out of bed, it means I'd rather not do it. Everywhere outside my bed isn't safe. Sometimes I feel not even my bed is safe.

I sleep under a weighted blanket on a soft mattress with more than three pillows. If it feels comfortable enough to not want to leave, I'm doing it correctly. I sleep in the same jacket every night and then wear the same jacket to school every day. It also makes me feel safe. It can't be too tight or it feels suffocating. It can't be too small. It has to cover my hands. It has to cover my arms. And my shoulders.

The only time my shoulders aren't covered is when I'm showering.

You never know when someone's near. You never know when he's near. I don't want him to be anywhere near me. I can't afford it. I can't afford to be near anyone. I will never be in a relationship. They'll just do the same thing he did.

Catching feelings for her shouldn't be as easy anymore.