blogging through my divorce

hello internet

Dear Internet,

My marriage counselor has advised me to start chronicling my thoughts and feelings while I go through this hard time in my life.

Let me introduce myself. I'm Farrel Benson. I've lived in Boise, Idaho since birth -- never even left the state before. Anyhow, my wife of fifteen years, Cheyenne, finally agreed to a divorce. Even though I was the one to force this issue, it's still extremely painful, and I've found myself slipping into a state of melancholy depression. It's hard to find a purpose in life when you hardly even know yourself. It's been five months since we signed the divorce papers, and Cheyenne is already in a committed relationship. I think it's hard seeing someone you once loved with a new person, even if she was complicated at best. And - dare I say - the baddest bitch I've ever met. I'm mormon and don't curse often, but talking about Cheyenne is a different story. God, if you're reading this, pardon my language choices. It's hard to restrain myself.

Cheyenne was never the most graceful or the prettiest, but she had character. She was, well you could say she was unique. Cheyenne and I met online, through a highschool musical fan page. After talking for a while, we found out that we both lived in Boise and decided to meet up. Her profile picture showed a model-like woman.

I soon found out Cheyenne's other passion - photoshop. Even so, she took my heart. I'm not kidding, she is quite aggressive. I still remember the first thing she ever said to me.

"I like your elbows. Not too pointy, not too round." At the moment, I was flattered. Looking back now, that should have been a warning sign. Looking back, really, there were quite a few warning signs. For starters, she never went anywhere without her ferrets, Gerald and Cockbit. They always slept in our bed, every night.....not even I was allowed to sleep in our bed every night. But even so, we hit it off and were engaged eight months later. We even had couple nicknames. She called me JuJuBee, and I called her Poopsie. I only found out this year that JuJuBee is actually a drag queen, but I still love the nickname.

To save money for our wedding, Cheyenne scheduled it at the local dog shelter, in honor of her beloved mutt, Thunder Chunk. As newlyweds, first living together, I Iearned a few alarming things about Cheyenne. Really, she had no manners. She farted a lot, but since I found the term 'fart' crude, I preferred to call it expelling intestinal gases through the anus, or breaking wind for short. But enough on this vulgar topic. Poopsie could be very romantic. She would often pick rose petals from our elderly neighbors garden to line her bed with. Sometimes, she would even cook dinner. My favorite, microwaved pizza. This was all before our marriage took a turn for the worse.

My brother Archibald is calling me for dinner now, so I must sign off. But I'll be back soon, my counselor thinks this is good for me.

Thanks for taking time out of you probably stressful and busy day to read this I mean it really is very nice of you really thanks a ton,

Farrel Benson.