Oxygen (Catfish And The Bottlemen/1975)

Van

I wanted to call Fliss, but something stopped me, I wanted to make sure she was alright but I was nervous I'd find out that she wasn't and in the end it was a good job I hadn't because she wouldn't have picked up the phone anyway. Listening in on Bondy I could tell it was serious. The mood in the room seemed to drop and when I looked up to look at Benji he was texting Kitty all fingers and thumbs with a lump of worry in his throat.

"Saffy, treacle listen to me, you're okay now, that's what matters Saff, it doesn't matter what you took or any of that, this wasn't your fault..."

Somehow knowing that she'd taken something made it worse.

When we'd been away I'd been happy to get coked up with Fliss, caught up on her energy, her lifestyle influencing me a little too much. I'd been desperate to get on her effervescent level and so I hadn't really minded the comedowns and the way it sent my heart into overdrive. But once she'd gotten sick it had been a wake up call and I hadn't touched the stuff since. Not touching it made it that much easier for you to see all the damage it was doing, day by day, to the ones you loved.

And now Saffy was crying down the phone to my best mate and he was chewing his cheek just trying to sooth her, telling her he didn't care what she'd taken, that it wasn't her fault. I felt a little nauseous knowing that it could be so much worse than we thought.

It felt like he was on the phone for hours. Felt like we were all just sitting there waiting, muscles stiffening until we ached with the tension of waiting on Bondys return, hoping for some kind of smile and an everythings fine. But we weren't so naive, we knew that wouldn't be the case. Perhaps thats what made it so much worse. Knowing we were right to be worried.

"Alright," Bondy let out a sigh when he finally did return and we all jumped to attention, eyes fixed on him for an exolanation. He wore a nervous smile and he didn't explain.

"Any chance I can be excused for 24 hours?" he asked leaning on one foot more than the other, hand on the back of his neck, wincing. Knowing it was a lot to ask.

"Bond whats happened?" asked Larry, but Blakes got there first.

"Kate says Saffs been spiked,"

When Benji spoke I noticed Bondys fingernails digging into his jeans.

"Yeah," he nodded, "but she was already too high when it happened and when she passed out they thought it was because she'd taken a dodgy pill..." i couldnt tell but he almost seemed to be choking on it.

"Fuckin hell Bond is she okay?" asked Larry who looked guilty when he realised he'd cut him off. That he'd probably been about to tell us that part anyway.

"Shes awake now, but shes in the hospital and theyre all there with her. She's just a bit, i dont know," he breathed and when he looked up from his shoes he didn't look at anything, just sort of stood staring out the window into the darkness, shoulders deflated. Almost vacant.

"mate," i sighed with one of those endeared smiles, in any other circumstances I'd have laughed at his uncertainty, "I can write a song wherever, we can leave the minute one of us sobers up enough to drive..."

He almost looked like he didn't belive me, eyeing me up with a fond suspicion, swaying a little as he lost his balance again. He'd seemed sober on the phone but I could tell he wouldn't be for awhile.

"I'll drive," said Bob standing up, "I've not had many," he shook himself up, clapped his hands together as if trying to get warm, "give it an hour or somet?" he asked and I looked to John, as if it was all up to him. "Bondy mate, she's alright, don't worry we'll get there," he said pulling him into a hug, warming my heart with how quickly he'd understood the subtle panic in our friends eyes.