The Ebb & The Flow (Boy x Boy)

Chapter 17: Warned You

"Puchito." Cruz greeted in his nonchalant tone.

"You came to watch?" I asked, silencing my thoughts with other random things to think about. Its a miracle I hadn't said something random.

"Yes." Cruz shrugged simply, leaning against a wall.

       Normal, normal, normal. That single word rang out repeatedly to silence the fear I felt. What was happening to me? I went about my stretches as Gianni instructed, before setting to work on a new dance. My focus wasn't sharp as usual and my normal poise and grace was all but gone.  Though I did just good enough to not be questioned. Ballet practice went by in a blur as well; my body in autopilot.

"Want me to drive you home puchito?" Cruz asked in his Spaniard accented voice.

"I'll be okay. Cross country." I said simply as I readied to go.

      What could I do to make this all stop?  A dark thought cross my mind as I felt overwhelmed and essentially choked. It was a tough call. But perhaps it would make things better. I jogged home, my body trembling with the idea. Normally I would have been horrified at being on my own this late at night. But I felt oddly calm as I committed to what I was about to do. My father wasn't home as I left my gymbag in the foyer and kicked off my shoes. I swept through the house, heading upstairs to ensure Aaron and Sherri were sleeping. Passing Sherri's door I heard light music floating through the door. She was studying so I had some privacy.

       I hurried down the stairs to the kitchen, snatching up a kitchen knife as my heart started to ache as my resolve to blatantly ignore those thoughts crumbled. I stumbled and staggered up the stairs as tears filled my eyes. I didn't want to do this. But I thought back to the things Carly had said to me. How what she'd said resonated with me and made so much sense. I don't think things would ever be like they were before this school year started. I entered my room, locking the door behind me, stripping my hoodie off as I entered my bathroom. I couldn't even look myself in the face as I slipped down against the cabinets below my sink. 

      I stared at the knife for the longest, frozen in place. I couldn't be hurt if I didn't exist. I tried reasoning with myself. A sob wracked my body as I wiped at my eyes. I felt utterly and completely exhausted. So tired and defeated. But like so many times before when I felt emotionally overwhelmed I took a deep breath. Could I really leave my family behind like this? I was tired of hurting and realized i'd been ignoring my pain for far longer than even I knew. But that odd way I went about forcing things away came back up as I dropped the knife, catching sight of the bracelet River had given me just two days ago. The pale gold whale charm glinted back at me as it dangled from my wrist. I couldn't do that to him. I couldn't do this to anyone. I suddenly felt guilty for letting myself go this far.

        I got up, scooping up the knife. I knew who did this to me. I just had to do something about it. I was still petrified when it came to courting the idea of confessing. But I knew I wasn't safe so long as that man roamed this town free. I headed back downstairs, returning the knife before I returned to my room to shower. All the while I couldn't stop fiddling around the bracelet River had given me. I exited the shower, changing into an over-sized t-shirt and my underwear, glancing over at my phone. I crawled across my bed, unlocking it and checking the time. I risked calling River; desperately craving his company right now.

      The phone rung for a few seconds, River answering, sounding anxious.

"Are you alright Wy-Wy?" He questioned, the use of my nickname making my heart flutter just a bit.

"Y-yeah. Why wouldn't I be?" I stammered in return.

"Its just. Never mind." He replied, a yawn floating through the phone pressed against my ear.

"Could you come over and stay the night?" I asked, the line going silent for a moment.

"Yeah. What about your dad though? I don't want to come across rude." He rambled.

"He's on yet another 24 hour shift. Won't be back until tomorrow night." I explained, amused nonetheless.

"We could even sleep with my bedroom door open." I tacked on, for both myself and his mental comfort.

      If Sherri knew River spent the night over again she would tease me mercilessly. So an open door would dispel any conspiracies.

"I'll be right over. I think my dad is at the station." He replied as I heard some ruffling in the background and a yelp as I assumed he tripped over his own legs.

"Be careful." I chuckled, rolling over to get out of bed and wait for River downstairs.

      He hung up as I waited in the foyer. And just minutes later I opened the door to reveal a messy-haired River.

"Are you alright? Were you crying?" He asked, probably noticing my disheveled appearance, holding onto me by my shoulders as he looked me over.

"Yeah. Rough day." I smiled weakly, getting up on my toes to give him a kiss as he embraced me in a quick hug.

"You look tired. Sorry." I apologized, realizing how selfish i'd been.

"It's-" He began, being cut off by Sherri.

"No love-making when others are present." She warned from the top of the stairs.

"Sleeping with the door open sis." I huffed, rolling my eyes at her as I showered River in some kisses as I kicked the door closed.

      I lead him upstairs, his hand in mine as we entered my room.

"You're still wearing it?" He asked, giving my hand the bracelet he'd gotten me on a soft squeeze as we fell onto my bed.

"Never took it off since you gave it to me." I smiled lazily as he peered into my eyes.

"I'm going to squeeze the rough day out of you." He murmured tiredly, taking hold of me and pulling me to his chest just as I managed to slip my comforter over us.

      For once I got to listen to his heart. The beat of it steady and strong. The times i'd felt it before he was nervous. But it seems he was getting used to me in more than one way. It was comforting as I inhaled his comforting scent, studying a musing over the little details of his physicality.

"You smell good." He commented, hugging me closer as he sniffed my hair, causing me to laugh as it oddly tickled my scalp.

"You too." I returned, pulling away to look him in his dark hazel eyes.

"You're pretty. And smart. And kind. Always thoughtful." He listed off, seeming to seal off each word with a kiss along my jaw until he placed one on my lips.

"Someone is gaining some swagger." I teased, seeing his cheeks tint red.

"I-I love you Wyatt." He said suddenly, striking me someplace deep.

      Our relationship was quite new. And I knew others waited longer before using that four letter word. River treated me like a prince. And I wanted to do the same for him any way I could.

"I love you too River." I returned, hoping my words carried the same weight as his.

     Both of us seeming too flustered to speak anymore we cuddled closer together under the covers.

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A/N: A clumsy I-Love-You. A lot of these moments that go by seamlessly in other books won't in this one. I want you all to cringe, smile, and laugh alongside me. And hopefully find little gems you all relate to! Until next time.