Defeated

Chapter 9

In fact, it reminded her of her 12 week scan back in 2014. Her mind started drifting as she thought about what it'd be like if they had their daughter right now. She would've hated watching her young daughter being so dependent on her mother during a time like this. Carla was so weak and spent her days either in bed or at the hospital at the moment, imagine if a child was brought into the equation. But it'd also be such a handful for Peter, he'd be taking care of two people...it'd push him over the edge. Though through all this, she knew that her daughter would be her light. She'd make her feel strong and would give her a reason to get out of bed in the morning, to have that responsibility.

"Carla Connor?"

"Oh, that's me." Carla's thoughts were interrupted by her doctor calling for her.

The pair stood up and followed the doctor into the small room.

"So, how've you been feeling?" The doctor smiles.

"Rubbish." Carla goes straight to the point.

"Oh. Is it because of the chemotherapy?" She frowns.

"Everything. It's just awful." She looks down, playing with her fingers.

"She's had no appetite whatsoever recently. She's barely eaten a thing yet is still throwing up most the time, you know? No energy to even get out of bed sometimes." Peter explains.

"I understand and unfortunately it does go with the territory. Chemotherapy often has the affect of making you feel like you've ran a marathon all day when in reality, you've just got to the bathroom and back. It's all so common but I know it's very hard to deal with it on a daily basis, I can prescribe some anti-nausea tablets but that's really all I can do." She replies. "How are your stitches? I know you're still on painkillers but we'll start easing you off now that you're healing."

"They're okay, I think. It still feels like they pull if I move in a certain position."

"That's to be expected"

After talking things through more and examining Carla's stitches, the couple are ready to leave.

"Oh and remember counselling is still an option if you'd want to do that, Carla. Obviously all this is extremely traumatic and it's sometimes good to talk about it."

"Mmm...think I'll pass. I've done it before but I just don't think it'll help me this time. Plus, I have this one by my side who I know I can talk to." Carla smiles up at her lover.

"Okay, do what's best for you but let me know if you change your mind. You've only got 4 more chemotherapy sessions left and then you'll have your check up to see if we need to continue or not, alright?" The doctor explains, kindly.

"Okay...Erm, with the chemo..." Carla stutters. "I've started loosing some of my hair and I'm not sure how it works, if it'll thin out more every chemotherapy session or if it'll just do it whenever."

"It differs between each person, some loose all of their hair where as others just have it thinning. There's many vitamins out there to strengthen your hair which will then help it to not fall as much when you brush through it, for example. How are you feeling about it?"

"Pass." Carla fake laughs, looking away.

"I think it's really gotten to her." Peter begins, looking at Carla for reassurance to continue.

She looks up at him for a second, signalling for him to carry on as she couldn't get the words out. Peter knew this, holding her hand and squeezing it tightly.

"She's been really self conscious, thinking I won't love her anymore...which is ridiculous. I think it's made her just feel really distant and snappy-..."

"I just...I feel embarrassed. Less feminine. I don't want to be different and this is making me change." Carla mutters.

"That's very normal and you'd see many other women feel the same. It's important to know that Peter isn't here because of the way you look on the outside, he's here for the person you are on the inside. It sounds cheesy, I know."

"She's right." Peter nudges her, softly.

"I'm so proud of you, you know that?" Peter whispers later that night. They were cuddling in bed, arms snaked around eachother.

"I know." She croaks, sleepily.

"We're going to get through this together. I'm never going to leave you, ever."

"I know...My heads mashed from all of this."

"Mine too." He nods. "Hey."

"What?" She looks up, her head rising from his chest.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

Sorry, just a filler chapter before time moves on a bit. Leave reviews!