Defeated

Chapter 8

Carla and Peter has just arrived home after a long session at Chemotherapy.

She was feeling absolutely exhausted, even opening her eyes was tiring her out at the moment. Peter was concerned but was reassured by the doctor that this was a common side affect and there was nothing they could do therefore Carla's plan for the foreseeable was just sleeping and more sleeping.

"Is there anything you want, hmm?" Peter asks, stroking Carla's head as she lay on her side underneath the duvet in their bed.

She shakes her head gently, currently not having the energy to open her mouth.

"Okay, you let me know if you want a drink or some food. I've just brought the bucket in incase you get sickness, alright?"

"Peter..." She whispers. "I don't know how much more of this I can take."

"Oh, baby. I know it's really tough but think about it this way, you start feeling better soon. Yesterday you felt amazing."

"Yeah and just as I start to feel better, I have another session and I'm back to square one." She groans, quietly.

"I know but it won't last forever."

"Feels like it will." She starts whimpering, "I'm so tired, Peter."

"I wish I could help you-..."

"But I'm scared to sleep incase...incase I- I don't wake up."

"Love, that's not going to happen. The surgery got rid of the cancerous cells and the chemo is making sure you get completely healthy again. You're not going to...die." He reassures her.

"It might've returned."

"And what evidence have you got to back that up? It's just you overthinking things. The doctors would know if something was wrong again."

Carla kept on going through phases of completely believing that this illness was going to finish her off. When she felt low and sick, she had nothing else to do other than think about the disease killing her and leaving Peter behind. God she was scared; she knew cancer killed so many people and she also knew that her luck is not the best, whose to say it wouldn't consume her too?

The thought of leaving Peter behind was the worst though. He'd take it so badly, he'd blame himself. She knew the thought played on his mind a lot too, even if he reassured her it wouldn't happen but what does he know? Peter would resort to drinking if Carla died, he could be going down the same path and die very soon after if he got back into those habits. Simon wouldn't have a father nor a step- mum. They were in the most difficult situation you could ever be in. The feeling of dread washing over you constantly was something they wouldn't wish upon their worst enemy.

Carla also had a mind set of feeling positive though. The days she felt more like herself, when the chemo wasn't making her feel awful, she'd think she'd get through it. I mean, she's been in some close deadly situations before but it never has beaten her. She even sometimes thought about when Sally had cancer, she kicked its ass and Carla knew she was far stronger than her.

"Heya!" Michelle smiles as Peter opens the door to her.

"You alright, Michelle?" He smiles, defeatedly.

"Yeah, you?"

"I'm fine, just knackered."

"Aw, is everything okay here? How's Car?"

"Once again the chemo has really done a number on her. She has no energy for anything. And I'm trying to do whatever I can to help but that is quite frankly nothing. My life right now is either working at Street Cars to get some money or it's me staying up the whole time just watching Car incase something happens..." he rambles, turning around so his lovers friend doesn't see him in such a vulnerable state.