Supporting the Pillar

Grief and understanding

~~~~

Cooking was something that helped you ease your mind, it kept you busy when you were over thinking or not feeling your best. You found it rather therapeutic. After all, despite what happened, the evening meal still needed to be prepared and cooked.

You were so engrossed with your preparations, that you didn't notice your fiance come up behind you and wrap his arounds around your waist. The sudden warmth from Kyoujurou startled you, as it snapped you out of your thoughts.

"My love," he murmured, his breath tickling the back of your neck. "Never mind what father said today, I'm sure he wasn't thinking straight. Let this blow over, and once I've become a Pillar, we'll marry then."

Kyoujurou wasn't being his boisterous self, instead being calm and collected. The seriousness in his voice surprised you a little,it wasn't a tone you heard him use often. Turning on the spot to face him, you could see the determination in his eyes; the young man was deadly serious about his intentions. "If time doesn't allow it, then we will when I'm 21."

When a person turned twenty-one, they were considered to be full functional adults in decent society. Hence, wouldn't exactly need his father's complete permission to marry you.

"Then, I'll wait a little longer." You smiled at him, looking forward to what the future had installed for both of you.

~~~~

The arrival of the news, the wake, the funeral it felt like it all happened so fast, too fast for your liking; everything just seemed to have blurred into one. It only felt like you got the news of his passing yesterday, the emotional, heaviness was still absolutely raw.

Everyone was dealing with the tragedy in different ways, Shinjuro was drinking a lot more than usual and more prone to lash out at anyone who tried to speak to him. Meanwhile, Senjuro attempted to keep it all together, he tried to be that strong support for you. But failed, he would always end up tearing up himself, whenever he tried to.

The loss of Kyoujurou was a severe blow to the Rengoku residence.

Sometime after the funeral, you heard a scuffle between a visitor and your father-in-law in front of the house. Curiosity wished for you to go out and see this individual, but you unable bring yourself to do so; you simply didn't have the emotional strength to do so. From what you were able to hear, though, the individual knew your fiance, maybe he was here to pay his respects.

So many people did, to be honest. All the Pillars had dropped by, ordinary Demon Slayers who were lucky to know him, Kakushi who had worked with him and even Oyakata, all came to the residence to pay their respects. Both you and Senjuro greeted them, humbled and overwhelmed with how many people Kyoujurou's life had touched.

You could've surrounded yourself with these amazing people, and allow them to put you back into your feet. But that would not fulfill the emptiness that lurked within your heart. The Kyoujurou sized emptiness, the loneliness and longing was more than you could've imagined. But you knew Kyoujurou wouldn't want you stay in your room forever, just as his father did, you had to get up and live your life.

~~~~

With evening approaching and the guest now long gone, you stepped out into the garden, a place of fond memories. The air around you was still and warm, as if he was standing there with you. It was comforting, yet it wasn't, your heart began to ache with longing.

Silent tears ran down your face as you watched the fireflies begin dance in the darkening light; Kyoujurou always marveled at this little bugs and watching them was a favourite past time.

"Thought I would find you out here," a gruff voice pull you out of your thoughts. Father like son, Shinjuro had succeeded in sneaking up to you, only to vocally make his presence known. You murmured a quiet reply, acknowledging what he had said, before turning back to the fireflies.

Shinjuro took a few more steps and joined you to watch the fireflies, before turning to consider you for a moment. "I'm sorry," he says in a gentle voice that you hadn't heard come from him in many years, "... if I hadn't retired maybe."

Words got caught in his throat, it was clear the realisation that Kyoujurou wasn't coming home had hit him. Again, like he did with Ruka, blames himself for causing it. Reaching out to place a tender hand on his arm, you shook your head.

"Please, no...don't," you quietly begged, not wanting the man to fall into a pit of self-loathing once more. "Don't blame yourself."

Silence fell between the two of you, with only the occasional sound of sniffs emitting into the night. You felt his eyes upon you, as if he was taking you into consideration.

"I should've allowed you to marry," he eventually murmured. His comment brought forth more tears, there was an angry tug at the heart, as you wanted to turn and scream at him, from taking that chance away from you. But, you couldn't even bring yourself to look at him.

"I was jealous...jealous, that my elder son was going to have a caring bride to grow old with,"  he continued, not waiting to hear from you first. "I could see how much Kyoujurou loved and cared for you ... I guess I saw myself and Ruka, in both of you."

Shinjuro let out a sorrowful chuckle, both of you had lost your significant others and were now in the same boat. In response, you patted his arm, silently telling him that everything was going to be okay. There was no way of undoing what happened in the past, but the future could be made just that little brighter.