War of Change | Book 3

1: Understanding

I turned my head just enough to see the young man's rough figure. "Is Aang awake yet?"

"No..."

"Then go away," I hissed.

"Kida," he tried again.

"I'm meditating." I closed my eyes again and tried to get back to my concentration. "Leave me alone."

I could feel my childhood friend still hovering in the room for a moment longer, but he eventually gave up and left.

After we left Ba Sing Se, we met up with the Southern Water Tribe fleet in Chameleon Bay. We all managed to take over a Fire Nation vessel to disguise us as we entered their territory. Once I was no longer needed to fight, I retreated to my own quarters and barely spoke to anyone. It was the best I could do. Not only was I not in the mood to talk to my father or the others, but I also had too much to figure out. What I had done in Ba Sing Se needed to be understood before I let go of it.

Nevertheless, I didn't go back to meditation immediately. My gaze became stuck on the candles in front of me. Not even their flames could thaw me now. The chill in my body went deeper than my bones. It twisted around my lungs and penetrated my heart. I was stone cold.

I tried to concentrate on the heat sweeping across my face. The small lights swirled as if dancing to an ancient song humanity could no longer hear. Something in it had a power. The way the candles were lined up, it was as if they were a row of soldiers waiting to be called to battle.

I had spent my whole life staring into flames. Even before I met Zuko, when I still hated the Fire Nation with every fiber of my being, fire had been essential to life in the south. I could never truly hate it. Not even now, I still saw the beauty I had always seen before. I would never be able to tear my eyes away completely. More importantly, I didn't want to especially now.

Maybe I'd never be able to stay warm, but that didn't mean it wasn't useful. The Fire Nation couldn't be saved, not all of it. Some of it would have to perish. That was the only path they had set out for themselves. If they kept playing with fire, then one day they would get burned, and I would be there to feel the warmth.

In what felt like only minutes later, but was more likely hours, I heard my door opened again. "Kida," another person spoke.

"Go away, Katara."

"Aren't you at least hungry?" she asked. "When was the last time you ate?"

"I don't need food. I need to concentrate."

"You're scaring everyone," she said, taking another step into the room. "Aang is still unconscious, and we're all worried about him enough as it is. We can't have you just stop talking."

"I'm talking right now, aren't I?" I seethed at her, finally opening my eyes and looking back at the girl.

My little sister's eyes were wide, both fear and sorrow swirling in her dark blue irises. I had to look away, but my gaze found her hands, which were balled up against her chest, the same thing mom always used to do when she was anxious. "Please, just come out for a little while."

"I'm doing you a favor, Kat," I looked away again, returning to my position, "you don't want me out there yet."

"So what? You're just going to stay in here like a hermit? I know you're upset about Zuko but-"

I snapped my head around to glare daggers at my sister. "This isn't about him." I couldn't even stand to say his name.

"Please," she scoffed, "look at the state of this room."