Remember

pity love

This time you pushed it and I don't know if I can give you any more pity love. I shouldn't have in the first place it's just you were there for me and I really didn't think you would put on this act forever so I was gentle and caring hoping you would get back to normal and we would both be okay. It's been a minute and I'm tired of waiting I just want you to know that you pushed it this time.
I know you always want to talk to me. I know you think I like you broken but I don't. I know you think the only time I see you is when you down but I miss you high. Sometimes I feel like it's my fault because all you ever saw was me down. I didn't mean for you to think that's what I want from you too. I know I might have been distant when you were happy and I wasn't there much but that's because I knew you were okay and trust me your joy was hope. I didn't mean for you to mirror me and think somehow we're speaking the same language. I wish I wasn't vulnerable with you, I wish I wasn't dark with you because when I was letting in on my dark clouds and my stormy thoughts you should know it was with the intention to leave that place and now I feel like I pulled you down and stepped on your shoulders to get out, now get out! Please don't stay down there or pretend you're down for my sake. I promise I'll like you happy, I'll be happy too. I'm sorry.
You don't know what has happened do you? You don't understand that you act gloomy around me but smile with everyone else. I don't need you to be broken I'm sorry I made you feel that way and now you pushed it because I know you're not really in a dark place, I know you're not really sad, I know you're acting to get my attention and I hate it because you don't know I know maybe you don't even know that that's what you're doing. I hate it because how can I tell you how sick you are? You pushed it because I was out here truly out of that dark place trying to do the most but you keep talking to me like I'm down and much worse trying to remind me of sadness with your forced sad stories. You hurt that they died but 2 minutes later you've never been happier in your life because you got that new game?? Oh you got no friends? But slip up and talk about 3 of 'em, is this a joke? My life, my pain if you can't relate don't try. If my life is struggle and I'm holding to a thorny vine, bloody and all but I make peace, I breathe and smile don't try to make your hands look as bloody as mine. Just be real if you're okay, I'm gonna be happy for you. If you're not who says you have to pretend your struggles are mine maybe you're walking on hot core that's your story and I'll appreciate the truth. You pushed it this time though, I don't want to be your friend if you think I need your fake sad stories to like you. I hate them, they hurt me. They hit home or rather that place I'm trying to leave but you keep bringing back because it's where you found me and idk I guess you feel if I stay there I'll always need you. But how could you say that? How could you not think to say "hey this might hurt her"? How could you have the audacity to claim that you think that God was trying to tell you something like he gave you the power to decide over his children. You should have taken a step back to work on yourself, pray about and ask God to help you get out of that jail you created for yourself to get pity love from people. I wish you didn't have to talk to me about your sad thoughts always thinking that's what it takes to be my friend. If you went too far in dark thoughts and it messed you up don't drag me down with you, I don't want to go back to that dark place, I'm fine right here and I'll be here for you I'm not going anywhere. Face it don't act like you're trying to be real when you're hiding behind a broken mask for pity love.