Sins And Shadows

Chapter Three

Mid November 1863

"Home sweet home." I looked up at the three story mansion, built with white marble, and I couldn’t help but think of my childhood spent in this house. Summers spent playing in the woods behind the house, thinking up games to play by myself. I had no siblings to play with. My parents always thought one child was enough. That one was perfect. I was their one. I pulled out my key, and placed it in the lock to the front door. I twisted it and the door unlocked.

I opened up the door, and pocketed my key. I walked into the grand foyer, with the spiraling staircase that lead up to the second floor, right in front of the door. There was absolute silence. Which I expected. No one has walked these halls in years. The last time I had been here was when I was 18, ready to leave for university. I had come back, only to bury my parents. Once I did that, being here was too much. It hurt too much. So the house became abandoned. It ceased to be the prestigious Morgan manor anymore.

I shut the door, and leaned up against it, closing my eyes in the process. I was tired. Flashes of the dead bodies crept between my eyes, making me remember what I did, even when I didn’t want to. I just wanted to erase all the evil that I've done since becoming like this. But I knew that would not happen, no matter how much I might wish it so. "Nickolas.." I open my eyes when I hear my name being called. "Nickolas...." That time it sounded like it was coming from upstairs. So I raced up the steps, when the voice of a young boy spoke my name for a third and final time.

It had come from my former bedroom. I slowly pushed open the old oak door, and cautiously walked inside. I didn't believe in ghosts, but one can never be too careful. Everything looked and felt the same. My wood four poster bed sat there in the middle of the room. The empty fireplace sat silently across from the bed. A portrait of my parents sat right about the mantle. I walked over to it, and just stared at it. My father's blue eyes, his stern mouth set in a line. My mother's blond curls, the shade I had inherited lay on her shoulders. Her piercing green eyes staring back at me, like she could see into my soul and chase the demons away.

They weren't always strict. They weren't always filled with love for me. They weren't always sad. They weren't always gone. My parents were far from perfect. I was far from perfect. We all said and did things that we regret. And now there is not a chance to rectify that. "Nickolas..." That voice was starting to annoy me to the brink of insanity. I turned to where the voice came from next, and it was coming from the mirror atop the empty black dresser. I walked over there, and I wiped the dust off the mirror, to find myself looking into the mirror at my younger self.

"Why did you kill all those people?" My younger self asked me with a frown. I shook my head and my younger self in the mirror did the same thing. "Why are you here? Why are you haunting me?" I asked my reflection. "You don't get to ask the questions Nickolas, I do. Why did you kill all those people? Why have you become a monster?" "You don't understand. I had no choice. I was forced to do all those evil things."

I was trying to reason with myself. The younger version of me. If there was a reason to say that I was insane, this would be it. Maybe I was truly insane all along, and I didn't realize it up until this point. "No one forced you to kill Nickolas. Yes you were turned into a creature of the night, but what you did after

that, that was a choice. A decision that you made with your own hands committing the sins. You only have yourself to blame." "I do blame myself. I curse myself every single second after what happened. My hands are covered in blood. I know that. I know that I am to blame. I am without absolution. I know that I will never have peace because of what I did."

"Absolution can be yours Nickolas if only you make amends. Make amends to the ones that you have hurt, and more importantly, if you want to move on from this, you have to do a very important thing." "And what exactly is that? What can I do, to seek absolution?" "Forgiveness. You have to forgive yourself before you can truly move on. Without that and making restitution to your victims, you can not begin to fully move on from this tragedy and travesty."

"And had I known that this would have happened to me, I would have fought like hell for a different outcome. Had I known that you are what I would have become, I would have ended our lives a long time ago, and joined our parents in heaven." "Well I am so sorry that what you see is not good enough for you. I didn’t exactly know what our life would turn out when I made all the decisions growing up. So you can't be angry."

"I'm more sad and disappointed than angry. We made all the wrong choices." My former self said with a frown. I could only agree. "That is only but the truth. We made the wrong choices, paid for the wrong things in life, and in return, we got screwed out of happiness and peace." "And you know what to do to fix it Nickolas. This life that has been forced upon us, you have to make it better. You have to be better than what that woman expects of you. You have to be the man our parents wanted you to be. The good, kind, strong man that would one day give back to the world. You have to be the better man. You have to be more than what she wants from you."

"I know. I have to beat her at her own game. She doesn't own me. She doesn't own my soul or my heart. They are all my own. And it's about damn time I do some good with it." I made a vow that I swore I would never break. I couldn’t break it. My younger self smiles back at me. With a smile that I remember I always wore when I was happy back then. "There you go. That is the Nickolas I hoped to be. That right there is the man I knew we could be."

"Well then, I guess this is goodbye." My face falls as I stare at the mirror. It is slowly changing from the younger version of me, to the man I see today. "What do you mean, this is goodbye?" "You don't need me anymore to guide you. You know what needs to be done Nickolas. You are already becoming the man you need to be, just by making that vow. If you stick with that, if you don't ever break that, then you will find peace. You will find happiness. And most importantly you can show that woman, she messed with the wrong man."

"Will I ever see you again?" I asked, knowing that it was a stupid question. "Just look inside yourself Nickolas. The younger version of you is there buried in your heart and in your memories. I'm always going to be there. I'm not going anywhere. It's just time for the man to show himself. It's time for the adult in us to take over."

"I'm sorry that I didn’t turn out what you expected." "Don't be. We all have bumps in the road. We all make mistakes that sometimes can ruin us, and break us. But we just pick ourselves back up and start again. That's all we are doing right now. You are just picking yourself up and starting over. That's perfectly normal. That is what being human is all about."

"So even being a vampire, I'm still exhibiting human emotions." "Precisely. You may be a vampire now Nickolas, but what you think, and what you feel, you never fully stop being a human being. All of being one, that doesn't simply go away just because you were turned against your will." "I will never fully stop being human. That is a lot to take in."

"That may be, but don't forget it is what makes you, you. That won't change. You just have to balance it with being a vampire now. And try not to let one side interfere with the other. That could become your biggest challenge." I shook my head. "No. Your wrong about that one. It may be one of the challenges that faces me, but it isn't the biggest. I am going to add more blood to my hands."

"What do you mean by that?" "I am going to take Selene out. She deserves to die. No one else should be a victim of what she is. What she did to me is already done, but I will not let another innocent person become her next victim when they don’t need to be. Her blood will be on my hands. Her life is the last one I am going to snuff out."

"Are you truly sure about this decision? This shouldn’t be taken lightly!" "It's not. I know what I am doing. I know what this will entail. I don't make this decision lightly. But like I said, I will not let anyone else become her victim."

"Then I leave you with this. Be careful. Don't let yourself be caught in her web again. Because this time she will not let you go. She will simply devour you in pieces and not think twice about it. Selene is simply the devil disguised as a woman."

I smiled fondly at that sentiment. "You are right about that. She really is the devil disguised. I should have known. I should have figured that one out a long time ago." "Then don’t let yourself forget it this time. Don't make the same mistakes twice. Because if you do, I'm afraid it will cost you more dearly than the last time you played games with her."

I smiled savagely at myself in the mirror. "Do not worry. I will not let myself forget what kind of monster Selene really is. I promise you that I will get our revenge. I will get our forgiveness. I will get our peace and sanity back. I promise to absolve ourselves of our sins. If I can't do that, then the devil truly has won."