It's Still a Beautiful Night 🥀

I Know What Love Was

Life is wonderful and amazing, and absolutely beautiful. But it's also bleak and downright pathetic, and the saddest thing you've ever heard of.

But the sun will still rise and the colors will be so vibrant you would think it was a painting.

People will still go to work and lived their blissful small lives. Blissful; extremely happy; full of joy. It's still a beautiful night

While I cry randomly and think how I really did figure out what love is

It's beautiful. It's Saturday night and people are out there having the time of their lives.

It's beautiful while I pick apart everything I ever did with you

It's beautiful while I still wonder if you'll come back to me, or if you'll ever truly accept me

It's beautiful because apart of you still loves me, even if you feel all of these negative things

It's beautiful, because whether or not you admit it, you're insecure in your love for me because you make it that way. Because you pick me apart like I am a flower, analyzing every petal, finding some imperfection you don't like about me.

It's beautiful because I know no matter what you decide I am still beautiful, I still loved you with every piece of me, and you can never truly say I did anything wrong.

It's beautiful because you probably won't come back to me, but I am still strong, even in tears.

It's beautiful because I found the meaning of life for me, it's me, and everything I am going to achieve, with or without you

It's beautiful, because I wouldn't have fought the entire world by your side and you chose to feed into your demons and find something you think is actually wrong with me when it isn't me at all

It's beautiful because love isn't something that is permanent, unless you make it so. And made it so it wasn't, this may have been a waste of time for you. but for me it was everything. I had so many firsts with you and you rocked my world

It's beautiful, as I write this, I can't help but cry, because I am so hurt for you, I am so hurt that I hurt you or somebody else hurt you this badly that you truly don't see how good we had it, in a word rapturous; characterized by, feeling, or expressing great pleasure or enthusiasm.

But it's still beautiful out, the stars are shining so brightly, the moon is almost gone, we'll have a new moon soon. a new beginning for the moon. a fresh start, a loving heart, a clean slate. The sun will come out for you soon, and the colors will be great, a new day, a new adventure

I hope to be apart of your adventure, today and everyday after that, even if it's just a little piece of your heart

but this is the last time I'm messaging you until you respond

because I want to have a beautiful night and day too, and I'm ruining mine, by wasting time where I'm not wanted, no matter how much I want to be there. I love you so much. But I love myself too, and right now I'm hurting, I'm hurting myself, by loving someone who was supposed to love me back, by being so consistent. by consistently hurting myself for the greater good of us, where you see no us.

I'm sorry if you see this as me giving up, but truthfully I am, unless you put some real effort in, and show me the love I deserve, the love I earned by sticking by you, even if you got nasty with me, even if you threatened me with leaving, even if you didn't see the love I have for you. I'm still here, I still love you, but you have to show me you love me


1:19 AM Sunday, September 1, 2019