I'M NOT A YAHOO GUY

I'm Not A Yahoo Boy

PRELUDE 
Demola had no idea Brittany’s ocean blue eyes can burn so red and deadly. Brittany was shaking with rage, her eyes glittering with anger like a wild lion’s. Demola's hands hung flaccid and shaky in the air, his face covered in beads of sweat. This isn’t supposed to happen. 
She cocked the trigger of the huge, black pistol and leveled the muzzle inches from his forehead. Behind her, he can still make out blurry images of the birthday decorations he had used to surprise her a few minutes ago. 
The balloons of different colors and the golden number 25 balloon slowly swoops around the living room. The birthday cake too was lying on the table, ready for cutting. 
"You scammer!" Brittany yelled. 
"I'm not a scammer. Brittany. It’s Demola. It’s your friend" 
"No. I don't know you. I hate you.” Brittany said with tears in her eyes. 
Demola takes another look at the lumpy outline of the necklace he had in his breast pocket. He was going to give Brittany as a birthday present. Is this a dream? 

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• 
The fire flickered in the dark night and rises like a phoenix about to rebirth. Demola poured more kerosene on it. The burning fire brightened up the backyard of the Owolabi Family house. The fire let out sparks that send sooty debris in the air. 
Demola dips his hand in the black polythene bag in front of him and drew out bundles of papers. He hesitated and sniffed. 
Be a man. Be a man. You are not crying. Be a man. He chastised himself. 
He straightened one of the papers and read: "This certificate is presented to the President of the SUG." 
"Useless." He groaned. "They are all useless. No company asks me if I was the SUG President. Rubbish!" 
He crumples the paper into a ball and tossed it into the fire. The beautiful purple coloredpaper lies in the fire. Hesitating to burn and waiting to see if Demola would change his mind. But Demola has forgotten about it and he is holding another paper now. 
He was going to toss the paper in the fire when he heard footfalls behind him. He slewed around his neck saw the silhouette of a man walking towards him. 
"Richard." He called out. 
"Big man.” Richard returned. “What are you doing out here in the dark?" Richard's voice was broad and loud. He was wearing a white shirt that stood out in the dark. 
"It’s stuffy inside." 
"Inside dey stuffy so you come outside to create fire. You prefer outside stuffiness abi." He mocked. 
"You don get." 
"Idiot" Richard slapped his head. The two started laughing. 
"Richie Money. How business?" Demola said with a grin. 
"You dey whine me abi? You! You! You!" He pointed at Demola. 
"Wetin Nah." 
"Na you dey ask me how business?" 
"I love you nah. I only hate the business. Just like the way our Heavenly Father hates the sin but loves we the sinners." 
"Pele. Weldon sir. Just dey do me.” 
He sat beside Demola. 
“I saw your text. That’s why I had to see you before I go home. What sup?" 
Demola sighed miserablyand stared at the fire. The fiery burning sound of the fire and the way it licked his skin as if with an inferno tongue made him imagine the fire melting away all his worries, and banishing the heaviness of his soul. 
Richard’s presence gave him a nostalgic feeling. They have been friends since secondary school and have started out dreaming about their future since Jss1. One year they would want to be doctors and another, they would want to be pilots like the ones they watched in the movies. Whenever an airplane flew by and the little children start singing and dancing and cheering, the memories came back to him like the rush of the furious wave to the shore. But what Richard has become and what he (Demola) is going through is beyond their wildest imagination. The brilliant Richard who was once a master of chemistry is now a yahoo boy. 
"What sup is..... I'm dying my guy."Demola said. 
"Dying bibawo? Your mother will, in fact, MUST reap the fruit of her labor. No talk death for here. 
"It’s getting too late." He grunts. “Don’t you think?” 
"How about the job you told me about last week?" 
Demola hissed. "You wouldn't imagine what happened when I got there.” 
“Tell me about it?” 
“That man that's been taking money from me and giving me hope. You remember him?" 
"You told me about him." 
"He has run out of the country." 
“Mehn! E don use your money do visa!" 
"I don’t even know what to do from here. For the past five years, I go out job-hunting every morning only to come back home empty-handed." 
The fire is burning low and silent darkness has started to crawl over the backyard. Demola unfolds the paper in his hand. 
"I remember when I got this. I was in secondary school then." He extended the paper to Richard. 
"Certificate of excellence. Best student....” Richard read. “Yes, I remember.” 
"My inside was fluttering with joy and my head was this big. The hall was as silent as a graveyard and when the principal called me out, there was this bouncy spring beneath my feet. I wasn’t walking. I was flying. When I reach the dais, and I look back at the audience, I felt on top of the world. My momma's face shone with pride. I bet she was filled with pride then." He took the paper from Richard and crumples it. 
"But what am I now? A jobless 28yrs old who is still dependent on mama to feed. My future seemed bright then. Now here I am. Worthless and useless even with my university degree." 
"Guy. It's not your fault nah. Everything dey God hand." 
"God's hand?” Demola stood up. 
"Did you know what mama said after father’s death? She said Demola, you are my husband now. I mean I'm supposed to take care of her. But this useless creature was eating eba and okro soup a few minutes ago. Mama went through a lot lately because of my younger sister’s school fee. She started preparing food immediately she arrived from the market today. Knowing her useless son will be hungry. Now she can't even taste it because she's tired. Looking at her makes me cry inside." 
"Sorry man. Iunderstand what you are going through. If there's anything I can do to help I will.” His lips curled into a smile. “Apart from my internet fraud business ofcourse. " 
Demola chuckled and sit down. 
"So you are admitting you are a fraudster?" 
"I don't know. I have no choice." 
"But you can do something else, man." 
"Yep. Just like the way you are employed now. With your big limousine and a big house." Their gazes met and they started laughing. 
Richard handed a black bag to him. 
"That's 200k." 
"200 what?" Demola jumped up. 
"200k small nah" 
"Small keh? I really appreciate this." 
"Forget am jo. In fact, I have a gig for you." 
"Hmmm, what?" 
"Internet business." 
"I told you I am not doing that thing. No matter how broke." 
"I understand and respect that bro. But this one is not yahoo. There are many opportunities online. Blogging, Affiliate Marketing, dropshiping and there are many more." 
"Never heard of it." 
"I will get you a laptop and you can do legit work online" 
"Thanks" 
"Stop saying that. You know I got you.” 
Demola smiled sheepishly and slip the black bag under his T-shirt. 
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• 
Demola spent six months on the internet with nothing to show for it. Every time he feels he struck gold, he'll either find out it's a scam or it is a restricted area for Nigerians. Some days he will fill out online paid surveys till darkness prowl into the room and mama will start begging him to take his food. At the end of the month, he would try to cash out only to discover that he needs a PayPal account to cash out. He’ll suck his teeth in pain. PayPal doesn’t work in Nigeria. 
Despite all these failings, Demola would wake up the next day to sunshine and pick up his hustle where he left it.