Woman: handle with care OR What do women look for in men

How it all has started :)

«..They lived long and happily, and died together on the same day". Come on! Really? How many couples have experienced the luxury of having a happy, fulfilling relationship they would carry along their long and loving marriage?

And anyway, to get there, you have to find the right person first... which is as hard as to give away the last piece of pizza. Or to pass by favourite shops without even popping in, when there are sales on! On a serious note, you see what I mean. It is, apparently, rare to meet your soulmate, your better half -how on the Earth this person could even be superior to the superior myself?

Now I do stop joking here, because I face a real challenge – I need to find a man. The one who will make me happy and who I will also make happy, at least occasionally... 

My presence in social media... for the last few years I have been maintaining my pages on both Instagram and Facebook. I don't really like dating sites and apps... And you know, one doesn't really need to register at the dating web site, if you are an active IG user. Some "best angle" photos, and tadah! You are an instant hit. Yeah, that's the advantage of being a photogenic person. And so, I do get many direct messages sent by all kinds of men, who are browsing limitless nets of the mighty internet for the search of love. Usually, those are either much younger or older men. God knows why I can never get a "positive feedback" from a man of my age.

Normally, many of them start their message from a typical cliché: You look so beautiful (it was always amusing me. What does it mean, you look beautiful? I thought, you are either cute or not, but you can't look cute?).

Let's flirt! Do you have a boyfriend? (What a straight question for a stranger, I thought..) So I go and check the profile of the person who "dared" to send me a message. I absolutely love to observe and make conclusions (guilty, your Honor!).

Here he is, an imposing Italian Vincenzo. I guess he is in his early thirties. So I read his summary: Banker from Zurich, Harley Davidson lover. The guy who likes adventures. Loves discovering nice places, staying in nice hotels, visiting cool spots. Fun. You only live once. Hmm. I would say, it is the person taking everything from his right here-right- now-life. Who lives today's day, and it doesn't matter what happens tomorrow. Don't ask me why, but I have a feeling he is not yet ready to settle for a casual, home routine life. I need stability and security!..

We go further. A very young Colombian man named Carlos. Oh dear, he is half-life younger than I am. How old is he, 25-30? Most of his photos are monotonous landscapes with a park and the lake, perhaps, taken near his apartment. People, water, ducks and swans. The grey street with cars and shops and coffee. I began to yawn. What do I see here? A 150% clean image lifestyle, stable but stale life. The person must be an introvert, quietly enjoying his inner world?.. sorry. For me, an open extrovert, having too fast, too curious approach to most of things.. it's going to be a challenge. Not ready!

Okay, so who else has written me? I see. Are you serious, man? Swiss native Christian, about 55 years, with a huge cigar in his mouth. I would have chocked on it instantly, within the first seconds of usage.. and he is puffing, just like a locomotive. Basically, photos of this fella tell that he loves strong drinks (gin must be his favourite), he is a soccer fan, ready to follow his beloved club to any country where they play. Some photographs indicate about this, erm.. bit odd or quirky side of the personality, this person is lying shirtless, on the grass field, with a big flower in his mouth. Perhaps, it's funny. Definitely! Maybe... not for me, though. Not my Apollo, for sure. Strange!

And then there is another Italian, Mario. He calls himself Maestro Mario. A sceptical artist creating ultramodern art. Interesting? Let's check his gallery of photos. Okay. This man loves weapon. There are so many stylish and not so pistols, and gun machines. And here are spikes' lined swings.. or a portrait of a man, blindfolded. Automatically, I became stressed. Yes, of course there were also some "normal" pictures. But. Dear God, I would be mortified to go on a date with this man. Who knows, maybe biting ears off his date is one of his hobbies? Scary!

That's it. I need a break. Just where are men, normal, average males?

These months of my singleton life made me wonder...maybe adequate men are no longer available? They got eaten by every day's stress. Or by hungry, hunting women..

Am I too demanding, too boring and strange myself? You know, many things come from experience. After a few fails I became a serial dater who would recognize a potential marriage material in a man within the first date. The way he presents himself, the way he speaks with you and the topics he is covering. There are so many details which can show off a nasty persona hiding behind that Hollywood smile and, seemingly, pleasant companion.

I also saw many young professionals who might be good people in general, smart, well educated. They might have had this "wow" factor which would create instant attraction, and interest. They are more likely to be very successful at work and be great managers. Yet they might be clueless, when it comes to real life experience, which would help them to understand the other sex. What these women are like and what do they want or expect from relationship with a man.

For a long time, I wanted to write some kind of manual. Or just a short introductionary guide with tips for men: about what could have made them more appealing to women (and no, it's not necessarily about the looks).

Back to my dating times, before I got into my now failed marriage, I was still able to understand one thing. Majority of good- looking lads were too focused on... themselves. They knew they were attracting lots of women's attention. They knew they didn't have to work hard on a relationship -if this current girl doesn't like me the way I am, there are dozens of others, eagerly anticipating the chance of being a girlfriend of the Mr.Beautiful me. "Why collect honey from just one flower if there are so many of them around?".

I saw these guys in the modelling agency where I used to work. I don't want to categorize and I don't want to make this bold statement, that absolutely all good looking males are like that. Let's just say that a better -looking person gets slightly spoiled by all the attention, and gets used to it, and stops appreciating many things coming their way simply because they are so sure they deserve it, and that, and even more and more.

If you were to ask me, what do I value more – hot look or a good personality, I choose the latter. However, we all have our own preferences and who am I to tell you which one is right, and which is wrong. The choice is yours!

Back to mine, though, I became a very attentive "dater". It is like if I inserted a mini processor in my head, together with a few CCTV cameras – and here we go!

- Is he talking about people without respect, being rude and doesn't really care about what they think about him?

- Is he joking about your appearance, values without having a thought it might be hurtful and just don't think it is funny?

- Is he only talking about himself, his news, his friends or whatever happens to him daily, and there is no interest in you and your things?

- Is his cloth scruffy, and the last time his shoes was polished was at Victorian times (yes, even that!)?

I can hear some of you say, hey, isn't it too much of observation and analysis? Who are you trying to find? Yeah, my Perfect Man 😉

Many, not to say all women look for their Prince Charming, the legendary knight riding a beautiful white horse, erm. But due to the limited stock, and due to the lack of requested species, slowly but surely they become ready to settle for someone, more or less, suitable. And I am sure you would like to be hitting her "perfect man" category, rather than something "suitable", right?

We, women, are very complex human beings. I do acknowledge it. For years poor men were trying to understand a complicated woman's logic, her reasons behind situations which a man would find easy and simple. But you know, what? Oscar Wilde once said, "Women are made to be loved, not understood". Which probably means, don't try hard to understand the reason of why she is doing this particular thing in that particular way. Just accept, take it as it is, and life would be easier and more enjoyable for both parties involved.

She goes to a shop to buy a blouse, and ends up buying a dress or sunglasses? Yes, it is not logical- but I guess, in accordance with her current list of priorities, those items won. Or whatever. Do you really want to start an argument and do a cross survey to determine her buying behavior patterns? Like, really?