dear former love,
i never thought of writing a goodbye letter but here it is.
i want to start off by saying the biggest thanks to you. you were not only my lover but my bestest friend. you knew me more than i knew myself. you took care of me, took the risks of falling for me. thanks for sharing those moments with me; thanks for sharing all those words with me; and thank you for sharing your feelings with me.
all my letters and gifts still could not express just how much i loved you. how much i wanted to see you. how much i wanted to hold you. how much i wanted to hear you. how much i wanted to be with you.
saying goodbye is by far the hardest thing i'm experiencing right now. i guess the universe really doesn't want us to be together. i know i cannot do much anymore or cannot change your feelings but i want to let you know that you made me extremely happy. it was a happiness i never thought i would get but you gave it to me and i do not know how to repay you.
over the few months of which we did not talk, it gave me a lot of time to really do more things but it still didn't quite feel right. i shoved my feelings down deep so it wouldn't hurt me as i tried to find new things to love. i did try learning french, i tried painting, i even tried to pursue some theatre! it's just that all these things didn't seem right. i felt empty, like something was missing.
eventually, i found new love. he was the sweetest person, he was funny, charismatic, considerate, and he made me happy. i noticed me and him don't have much in common but we learned to love each other's own individual interests.
you came into my mind one day and things started to— feel wrong. nothing was wrong with him, it just didn't feel right.
all the old feelings i bottled up before to keep myself from hurting had come right back up.
i missed you. that was it. my heart ached, wondering if you still missed me or loved me. you kept me up at night, tossing and turning, looking back at the old memories we shared.
until i decided. i wanted you back and that was final.
you contacted me one day. it was one of the last things i ever thought would have happened. my heart leapt, tears formed in my eyes as i hesitantly replied to your message. i was simply overjoyed.
i knew at the time, it was not as easy as '123' or 'ABC' to have you back. i knew at some point i had to let you go. it pained me, every night i'd soak my pillows with tears, wondering if things could ever go back to the way it used to be. the spam of 'i love you's that i'd receive every morning. fighting over who loved the other more. staying up late to talk about absolute nonsense. worrying about what gift i'd give you next. writing all my love letters.
things have changed, you moved on and it's about time i did as well.
i may have lost my lover but i don't ever want to lose my bestest friend. i love you, maybe not the same way you do me but i love you anyway. maybe things would be different if i said different things but you're happy and i would never want to take that away from you.
thank you. i'm sorry. i love you.
you may no longer be mine but all the i love you's you said to me are mine, all the gifts you gave, all the memories and moments we shared, all the laughs, all the smiles, all the tears, those are all mine.
i love you.
so so so so so so so so so so so much.
deepest regard,
xxx
