This story is dedicated to @Lalicious . It's me.
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The soft, pulling unease deep back in my throat.
When I think of him now, all that's left is memories.
It's been years that I last talked to him, but now, when I hear his voice and when I get a glimpse of his smile it causes that infinite feeling of grief.
That kind of melancholic grief that will always make your eyes water, but your mouth curl into a sad smile of missing and regreting and the bittersweet certainty that something is gone forever.
It hurts and it pulls at my chest like a fucking hurricane, wanting to be heard.
Yes, yes....I know...
That's what my body seems to tell my mind.
Like a worried pet keeper trying to calm down his excited, fearful dog.
It means I know. I understand. But there is nothing I can do about it.
Because my mind refuses to do anything about it.
It says...probably we are not good for each other. Maybe it wants to avoid the pain.
Maybe it's afraid, because it's sure that nothing can take back words once spoken.
But then my body is there whispering faintly.
But...
It's this small little but, filled with emotions that are deep and warm. Like a late summer afternoon. Sunflowers bathing in the heat of a golden sun.
I feel the walls of our self -built safety around us. Blue and Red. Nights drowned in wine and sometimes tears. The smell of his perfume that still lingers on that piece of cloth. Heavy vanilla.
The rest is gone.
All anger.
The pain.
I can still feel what we had deep inside and it's filled with happiness and mind-blowing affection.
Because it always was.
Whatever said, whatever shattered into pieces.
It's just words in the end.
The alcohol tastes bitter on my tongue, when I have the phone in shaking hands.
Sound.
Silence.
Sound.
Silence.
Sound.
Si-
Please leave a message-
If I only could.
"Axl. It's me."
Nothing more.
Then I wait and wait.
"Axl it's me. Let's forget."
All the dark things.
Let's free our hearts from that rusty, sharp cage and the hurt that turns into stubbornness after a while, because it doesn't count. Not anymore.
Life is so short.
And I only want to forgive.
Be forgiven.
"Axl it's me..."
Me. And you.
I lay on my back and just wait.
