Like Before

Move on, The How To .1.

Next morning.

As I open my eyes, I see a ceiling that does not look like the one in my bedroom. It looks like..

- Oh my god. I scream.

- What? What happened? A rushed voice says.

- Jack. What am I doing in your bedroom? I say. I am terrified last thing I remember is leaving with Jess from the restaurant Jack left me and now I am with Jack? What happened?

- Katerina calm down. Nothing happened first of all. I slept in the living room and our families are out of town they all left for the opening of the new hotel in Bristol. You had no keys, Jess came to me. She couldn't take you back to hers because she left straight for the airport , she has a fashion thing I don't remember in France and I guess she didn't want to call your .. your Jesus I don't even want to say it you husband. He says and gives me the coldest look.

- He is not my husband Jack. I say. I don't want our accidental meeting to end up with another fight.

- Soon to be I guess. He says and looks away to leave again.

- Jack ! I shout. He turns back and looks at me. He wear a light blue tshirt, some grey pants and his hair are all over.

- So what if you are back? So what If I moved on and not according to your timeline, You don't know what was like when you left, I was heartbroken and don't you dare laugh. I was crying every day , every night . I wasn't eating, I wasn't sleeping, I kept writing those ridiculous emails every night for a year to tell you how my day was without you. I wrote one three days ago. You see I would never let you pass by. I even wrote you letters at some point because I hoped that I could maybe find out where you are and send them to you. I asked everyone about where you might be. We were at that party, remember Jack? The last night before you leave, we were celebrating your new team. We were so happy. I was the happiest, you made me the happiest. I kept calling you the next day, you didn't pick up.I texted, I video called you, nothing. I went by your house after many hours of no sign, you weren't there, your whole family was not there. I asked your neighbors, they had no idea. I went at your football practice it was Sunday so nobody was there. I was so confused; I just wanted to know if you are all right. Uhm, I.. I went by your grandparents, they said that they didn't know. I asked everyone at the party, close friends, acquaintances , team players even people we didn't know I was desperate. I couldn't understand. Then Monday came I went by your football practice, they said you didn't show up in the morning. They had no idea either. In the meantime I kept calling, texting, you, your mum, your brothers and nothing. At some point it was disturbance. My parents were worried, I wasn't telling them anything, I wasn't really talking. It took me a while to .. leave you behind. I had so many questions, I still do but I couldn't just stop my life Jack. I had to move forward, it was very tough. I loved you so so much. You were the one, remember? That's how I used to call you. I can't apologize for living my life Jack. I tried to find you, I failed it's like you didn't wanted to be found and Jake. We are not engaged, he is a very nice guy and I didn't move on in relationship within six months. He was there for me and I am very thankful. That's all I have to say and thank you for letting me stay here. I said everything that happened in the time of two years , in two minutes and for the first time I don't feel suffocated. It is as if it happened to somebody else and I am just saying their story. Of course seeing him standing in front of me , has stop the feeling of missing him but I feel whole again. After a long time.

I stand up and take my bag to leave , I don't look at him at all . He doesn't say anything or do really. I mean what he could say now anyway? Sometimes I wish it was an option to just go back to some memories , to go back to that night before he left. Not to change something but to relive our last moment together when we were so happy and so much in love.

- Don't go. He says and I hear my phone ring at the same time. I take a second to look at him , to look at his eyes. I miss those eyes so much, the most beautiful eyes I have ever and I will never see. The way, they look at me like a day never passed. Of course the phone ringing brought me back to reality and today where those eyes didn't look at me yesterday and now that they are here I don't know what to do.

- I have to go. I say and I take my phone from the table. Its Jake, I have sixty missed calls and ninety seven texts. I take a look at the time its almost afternoom.

- Your phone didn't stop ringing last night. Jack tells me and for the first time, I see hurt in his eyes. He doesn't move his eyes from mine though and that makes me feel so sad. I don't say anything I just keep looking at him. I am so happy he is here and he is well no matter what happened last night or if he left me there or what he said. I spend days wanting to listen to him say anything.

- I am glad you are back, I missed you, well you know we all missed you. I say not because I want to start anything between us but regardless what happened, to me it matters that he is alive. There was a point where I though he wasn't. He smiles and comes towards me, I have a feeling of what he might do and my hearts starts racing. He takes my hands in his hands and pulls me close for a hug. I..I have felt this in so long,I place my head in his arms and I just close my eyes. I want to stop the time, my thoughts that tell me to leave and just be with him. I keep repeating the same question in my head '' Why did he had to leave and change everything?''.

- I am so sorry. He says and rubs my back. Warmness, the kind of feeling you get when you haven't been home for days because you study abroad. That's exactly how I feel right at this moment. Like I haven't been home and I am finally back. The sound of ringing of my phone once again brings me back to reality. I cant ignore Jake again or pretend that I didn't listen to it. I cut the hug and leave Jack behind to answer my phone.